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PORTRAIT  OF  A  CHRISTIAN, 


DRAWN     FEOM     LIFE: 


§,  Pemow 


MARIA   ELIZABETH    CLAPP. 


BY    HEK    PASTOR, 

CHANDLER     ROBBINS,    D.D. 
It 

MINISTER      OF      THE     SECOND     CHURCH. 


BOSTON: 
AMERICAN  UNITARIAN  ASSOCIATION. 

1867. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1858,  by 

CHANDLER    BOBBINS,    D.D. 

In  the  Clerk's  OfiRce  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of  Massachusetts. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER    I. 

Page. 
Value   of    Biography.      Outlines   of    Miss    Clapp's 
Charactjsr.    Her  Diary  and  Private  Papers  .    .      1 

II. 

Childhood  and  Youth,  Her  Preparation  for  the 
Lord's  Supper.  Great  Love  for  that  Rite. 
Views  of  its  Value,  and  First  Participation  of 
it.     Her  Frequent  Self-Consecration      ....    11 

III. 

Christian  Activity  and  Usefulness.  Sunday  School 
AND  Day  School.  Correspondence  with  her 
Young  Pupils  and  Friends 47 

IV. 

Christian  Friendship.     Correspondence  with  L.      .    74 

V. 

Justification  by  Faith,  and  its  blessed  Results     .    90 

VI. 

Sickness.    Preparation  for  Departure.    Last  Hours  100 


PORTRAIT  OP  A  CHRISTIAN  LIFE. 


CHAPTER    I. 

Value  of  Biography.     Outlines  of  Miss  Clapp's  Cha- 
racter.   Her  Diary  and  Private  Papers. 

npo  teach  religion  without  the  aid  of  bio- 
graphy would  be  like  teaching  statuary 
without  models,  or  geography  without  a  map. 
Rules  and  maxims  help  us  to  shape  our  course  ; 
but  the  examples  of  the  good  are  our  guiding 
stars.  The  sayings  of  the  wise  are  the  nutri- 
ment of  virtue  ;  but  their  own  lives  are  its 
inspiration.  He  who  describes  the  way  of 
uprightness  enables  us  to  discern,  and  excites 
us  to  approve  ;  but  he  who  traces  it  in  person 
provokes  us  to  pursue  it.  The  trophies  of  Mil- 
tiades  would  not  suffer  Themistocles  to  sleep. 


2  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

Plutarch's  gallery  has  made  more  heroes  than 
the  lectures  of  the  Academy  ;  and  who  can 
doubt  that  Christianity  has  been  as  much 
indebted  for  its  influence  over  the  hearts  of 
men  to  the  portraits  of  its  saints,  as  to  the 
homilies  of  its  preachers,  or  the  writings  of  its 
apologists  ? 

The  church  of  Christ  has  always,  with  equal 
gratitude  and  wisdom,  commemorated  the 
names  and  services  of  those  who  have  adorned 
its  docfrine.  St.  Paul  did  not  forget  to  men- 
tion in  liis  Epistles  his  faithful  fellow-laborers, 
both  male  and  female,  with  respect  and 
gratitude.  The  Roman-Catholic  church  has 
canonized  its  choicest  spirits,  whether  of  lowly 
or  exalted  birth,  and  preserves  with  pious  caro 
the  lengthening  roll  of  its  saints.  The  walls 
of  many  Protestant  temples  are  hung  with 
tablets  and  effigies  in  honor  of  their  lights  and 
benefactors. 

We  build  no  monuments  in  the  aisles  of  our 
New-Engla;id  churches ;  we  place  no  marble 
busts  again5>t  their  columns ;    we  inscribe  no 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  3 

epitaphs  upon  their  walls.  But  we  must  not, 
we  would  not,  be  ungrateful.  We,  too,  would 
cherisli  in  the  church  the  remembrance  of 
those  whose  influence  has  refreshed,  whose 
characters  have  adorned  it.  We  regard  it  as  a 
high  and  holy  debt  to  "  bind  a  garland  around 
the  brows  "  of  a  Christian  whose  chaste  life 
has  illustrated  the  purity  of  our  religion,  and 
whose  devoted  labors  have  enriched  and  blessed 
humanity.  The  testimony  of  a  faithful  life,  and 
the  witness  of  a  triumphant  death,  belong  to  the 
church  universal.  They  are  of  no  private 
ownership,  but  are  the  property  of  tlie  truth, 
the  inheritance  of  the  great  family  of  God, 
not  to  be  selfishly  hidden  therefrom,  if  their 
commemoration  can  inspire  with  courage  a 
fainting  spirit,  or  animate  one  feeble  heart  to 
strive  more  patiently  for  the  victory  and  the 
crown  of  faith. 

Such  considerations  have  led  me  to  prepare 
a  simple  and  truthful  memorial  of  one  of  tlie 
most  consistent  and  complete  Christians  whom 
it  has  been  my  privilege  to  know. 


4  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

Most  of  those  who  are  called  Christians,  and 
who  are  not  undeserving  of  the  name,  are 
called  so  in  a  qualified  sense.  You  do  not 
doubt  that  they  sincerely  believe  in  Christ,  and 
love  him  ;  that  they  wish  and  try  to  keep  his 
precepts  ;  and  that  their  characters  are  improv- 
ing under  his  influence.  They  have  many 
virtues,  perhaps  some  shining  virtues.  They 
keep  themselves  aloof  from  the  follies  and  sins 
of  the  world.  They  give  their  testimony  on 
the  side  of  religion,  and  illustrate  its  divine 
doctrines  by  many  deeds  of  righteousness  and 
charity. 

But  you  discover,  with  regret,  some  inconsis- 
tency in  their  conversation  ;  something  which 
mars  the  harmony  of  their  character.  They 
impress  you  as  only  partially  Christian.  You  do 
not,  at  all  times  and  under  all  circumstances, 
recognize  in  them  the  image  of  the  Master. 
You  do  not  always  feel  in  their  presence  a 
positive  and  powerful  Christian  influence. 

She  whose  modest  and  saintly  image  is 
before  me  while  I  write  was  one  of  those  rare 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  6 

characters  to  whom  such  remarks  do  not 
apply.*  She  was  a  Christian  indeed,  in  whom 
was  no  guile.  Every  one  who  saw  .her  recog- 
nized in  her  the  marks  of  a  true  disciple  of 
Jesus.  Those  who  met  her  most  frequently, 
and  knew  her  most  intimately,  were  pro- 
foundly impressed  with  the  genuineness  and 
thoroughness  of  her  consecration  to  God. 

I  do  not  say  that  hers  was  a  perfect  life ; 
but  it  was  a  life  so  penetrated  and  imbued 
with  the  spirit  of  the  Saviour,  so  faithfully 
directed  and  studiously  modelled  after  his  pre- 
cepts and  example,  so  entirely  subjected  in  all 
its  elements  and  movements  to  his  divine  con- 
trol, that  I  feel  authorized  to  call  it  consistently/ 
and  thoroughly  Christian.  I  have  seen  it  so 
long,  I  have  watched  it  so  carefully,  I  have 
known  it  so  thoroughly,  that  I  can  speak  with 
certainty.  For  twenty  years  I  have  noticed 
its  steady  and  constant  development ;  have  ob- 
served it  under  different  circumstances  and  in 

*  Maria  E.  Clapp,  born  at  New  London,  Conn.,  Dec.  31, 1820. 


6  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

different  attitudes ;  seen  it  in  the  liglit,  and 
seen  it  in  the  shade ;  seen  it  in  the  church 
and  in  the  home,  in  the  sabbath  school  and  the 
day  school,  in  hours  of  religious  conversation 
and  hours  of  social  enjoyment ;  —  and  for 
months  seen  it,  day  after  day,  in  the  chamber 
of  sickness  and  in  the  prospect  of  death,  dur- 
ing the  closest  confidential  intercourse,  in 
which  no  secret  recess  of  the  heart  was  not 
opened  in  confession,  or  unveiled  in  commu- 
nion. How  could  I  have  failed  to  estimate  it 
justly  ?  How  could  I  have  been  deceived  as 
to  its  real  character?  It  was  indeed  a  con- 
sistent and  complete  Christian  life. 

Such  lives  are  the  most  effective  preachers. 
The  plainest  record  of  them  is  the  best  of  ser- 
mons. They  furnish  the  most  convincing 
evidences  of  the  truth  of  Christianity.  They 
prove  that  faith  in  Jesus  has  not  lost  its  life- 
giving  virtue.  They  prove  that  Christ  himself 
is  a  living  and  present  power.  They  verify 
his  best  promises  to  the  hearts  that  love  him. 
They  show  that  he  does  still  come  unto  them, 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  7 

and  make  his  abode  with  them.  They  make 
it  manifest,  that,  even  to-day,  he  sends  the 
Comforter  down  into  the  breast  of  lowly  dis- 
ciples, to  bring  his  words  to  remembrance,  and 
to  lead  them  into  all  truth.  They  prove  how 
much  can  be  accomplished  within  one's  self 
and  without,  in  building  up  a  heavenly  cha- 
racter and  in  elevating  and  blessing  others, 
even  with  ordinary  capacities  and  in  a  humble 
sphere,  by  simple  fidelity.  They  stir  the  con- 
science by  showing  us  what  we  ourselves  ought 
to  be  and  might  be,  if  we  were  true  to  our 
knowledge  and  our  belief.  And  when  we  con- 
template their  purity,  their  beauty,  and  their 
beneficent  fruitfulness ;  when  we  consider  the 
depth  of  their  peace  and  the  richness  of  their 
joy ;  when  we  observe  the  meek  triumph  with 
which  their  earthly  course  is  finished,  and 
think  of  the  bright  crown  that  awaits  them  in 
the  celestial  city  towards  which  they  have 
been  journeying,  when  they  shall  have  been 
gathered  amongst  the  "jewels  of  God,"  —  our 
colder  hearts  kindle  with  a  pure  emulation, 


8  PORTRAIT  OP  A 

and  a  new  impulse  quickens  our  tardy  souls 
to  press  forward  towards  the  same  glorious 
inheritance. 

In  sketching  the  course  and  lineaments  of 
my  friend,  —  especially  of  her  inner  life,  —  I 
shall  use,  as  far  as  possible,  her  own  words. 
A  large  number  of  her  private  papers  and  let- 
ters have  been  placed  in  my  hands,  with  the 
privilege  of  selecting  whatever  may  appear  to 
me  suitable  for  the  illustration  of  her  charac- 
ter, and  at  the  same  time  conducive  to  the 
religious  improvement  of  the  young. 

For  nearly  twenty  years,  it  had  been  her 
practice  to  record  in  a  private  journal  —  which 
was  never  read  by  any  of  her  family  till  after 
her  decease  —  all  the  most  interesting  particu- 
lars connected  with  her  religious  experience. 
It  is  unnecessary  to  say  that  I  have  consulted 
and  used  this  diary  with  feelings  of  delicacy 
and  sacredness.  Though  it  was  intended  for 
no  eye  but  her  own  to  read,  —  being  written, 
as  is  stated  on  its  first  page,  "  as  a  help  to  self- 
examination,  and  to  record  only  the  sincere 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  9 

feelings  of  my  (her)  heart ^^^  —  it  contains  not 
a  sentence  which,  if  exposed  to  the  scrutiny  of 
the  world,  would  cast  a  shade  upon  the  charac- 
ter of  a  saint ;  but  many,  very  many,  which 
would  excite  both  wonder  and  admiration  at 
the  purity  of  her  secret  motives,  the  depth  of 
her  humility,  the  intensity  of  her  longings 
after  a  spotless  righteousness,  and  the  ardor 
and  constancy  of  her  love  to  the  Saviour. 

By  the  aid  of  this  diary,  in  addition  to  all 
the  other  means  I  have  enjoyed  of  becoming 
acquainted  with  her  character,  I  am  able  to 
trace  quite  distinctly  the  progress  of  her 
Christian  life,  and  to  understand  thoroughly 
the  principles  by  which  it  was  governed.  She 
never  imagined  that  any  thing  she  said  or  did 
would  be  the  subject  of  commemoration  after 
her  decease.  It  was  her  hope  only  that  her 
humble  name  might  be  found  written  in  the 
Lamb's  Book  of  Life,  and  that  the  influence 
of  her  instructions  and  her  character  might 
continue  to  work,  silently  and  secretly,  in 
the  hearts  of  her  pupils  and  her  companions, 


10  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

when  she  had  passed  away.  Nevertheless,  I 
am  sure  that  she  would  not  forbid  such  a  use 
of  her  writings  or  of  her  example  as  might 
serve  the  cause  of  her  beloved  Master,  or  con- 
tribute to  the  spiritual  benefit  of  the  least  of 
his  disciples.  She  was  modest  and  humble, 
but  had  no  false  delicacy.  As  she  would  have 
recoiled  from  the  display  of  her  piety  for  her 
own  praise,  so  she  would  have  scorned  to  hide 
it  when  its  discovery  might  be  for  the  honor 
of  the  truth. 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  11 


CHAPTER    II. 


Childhood  and  Youth.  Her  Preparation  for  the 
Lord's  Supper.  Great  Love  for  that  Rite.  Views 
OF  ITS  Value,  and  First  Participation  of  it.  Her 
Frequent  Self-Consecration. 


A  GROUP  of  children  are  gathered  at  twilight 
around  their  mother's  chair.  She  has  chosen 
that  tranquil  hour  to  sow  in  their  tender  hearts 
the  seed  of  divine  truth.  She  speaks  to  them 
of  their  heavenly  Father  in  tones  of  rever- 
ence and  gratitude.  She  tells  them  of  the 
blessed  Saviour,  who  came  down  from  heaven 
to  bring  messages  of  love,  and  to  suffer  and  be 
crucified  for  sinners.  She  dwells  upon  this 
affecting  theme.  She  describes  Jesus  in  the 
midst  of  little  children,  taking  them  up  in  his 
arms  and  blessing  them.  She  repeats  his  kind 
invitation,  "  Suffer  them  to  come  unto  me." 
She  teaches  them  his  beatitudes,  —  "  Blessed 


12  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

are  the  pure  in  heart ;  blessed  are  the  peace- 
makers ;  blessed  are  the  meek."  She  recites 
his  sacred  precepts,  —  "  Love  your  enemies  ; 
whatsoever  ye  would  that  men  should  do  unto 
you,  do  ye  unto  them  likewise."  She  hears 
them  say  the  simple  hymns  they  have  already 
learned,  and  teaches  them  more.  At  length 
she  bends  over  them  as  they  kneel,  and  silently 
blesses  and  intercedes  for  them,  while  in  suc- 
cession, or  with  blended  voices,  they  repeat 
their  evening  prayer. 

What  language  can  describe  the  sacred 
power  of  such  domestic  scenes  as  this,  which 
are  of  common  occurrence  in  the  Christian 
homes  of  New  England  ?  How  can  they  fail 
to  make  a  lasting  impression  upon  every  heart 
in  the  little  circles  they  embrace,  —  to  leave 
upon  every  character  an  influence  which  never 
can  be  wholly  dissipated  ?  Not,  indeed,  upon 
all  an  equal  influence  ;  for,  even  at  the  begin- 
ning of  life,  the  quality  of  the  moral  soil  differs 
in  different  hearts.  The  mother  sows  the  same 
good  seed,  with  the  same  pious  care,  in  the 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  13 

minds  of  all  her  children.  She  plants  it  in  each 
with  prayer,  nurtures  it  with  equal  love,  and 
waters  it  with  impartial  tears.  But  she  finds 
among  them  —  whatever  the  explanation  may 
be  —  an  unequal  measure  of  receptivity  of 
spiritual  truth.  All  may  be  benefited,  but 
not  to  the  same  extent.  The  seed  may  sooner 
or  later  germinate,  but  in  some  fields  more 
slowly.  No  heart  may  be  wilfully  closed 
against  the  heavenly  doctrine  ;  but  one  is  more 
docile  and  open  to  it  than  the  rest.  It  seems 
all  prepared  for  the  reception  of  a  spiritual 
faith.  It  embraces  it  eagerly.  It  drinks  in 
the  holy  influence.  The  incorruptible  seed 
sinks  at  once  into  a  congenial  soil.  Every 
word  from  the  Bible  or  the  hymn-book  drops 
from  the  mother's  lips  into  its  depths.  One 
countenance,  she  is  sure,  will  always  be  look- 
ing up  to  her  with  the  most  reverential  atten- 
tion when  she  names  the  name  of  God.  One 
mild,  deep  eye  will  always  expand  and  moisten 
when  she  tells  of  the  love  and  sorrows  of  the 
Redeemer.    One  brow  will  be  shaded  with 


14  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

sadness  at  the  story  of  human  sufferings  and 
wrongs  ;  one  face,  radiant  as  an  angel's,  when 
she  describes  the  joys  and  glories  of  the  home 
in  heaven. 

She  of  whom  I  am  writing  was  such  a  child  as 
this.  Such  is  the  likeness  of  Maria  in  her  early 
days,  which  hangs  in  her  mother's  memory. 

I  have  not  drawn  upon  fancy  in  connect- 
ing the  beginning  of  her  religious  life  with  a 
little  picture  of  domestic  worship  at  the  hour 
of  twilight.  To  such  a  scene  and  such  an 
hour,  in  one  of  my  last  conversations  with  her, 
she  herself  traced  back  her  Christian  experi- 
ence, fixing  there  the  date  of  her  earliest 
religious  impression.  "  My  love  for  God  and 
my  love  for  my  mother,"  she  said,  "  are  of  an 
equal  date  ;  at  least,  so  far  as  I  can  remember. 
My  most  distant  recollection  associates  her 
with  Him.  As  far  back  as  I  can  look,  I  see 
her  sitting  in  her  chair  by  the  window,  at  the 
close  of  a  summer  day,  with  a  countenance  full 
of  devotion,  repeating  to  us  beautiful  hymns, 
and  teaching  us  of  our  heavenly  Father." 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  15 

What  a  beautiful  gate  through  which  to  en- 
ter into  the  path  of  peace  !  Perhaps  it  is  that 
through  which,  more  frequently  than  any  other, 
the  heavenly  road  is  entered.  How  blessed 
are  they,  who,  having  been  ushered  into  it 
through  such  a  gate,  never  afterwards  wander 
away  from  it,  or  loiter  in  pursuing  it ! 

She  never  wandered  away  from  it.  She  was 
always  a  religious  child.  Yet  it  must  not  be 
inferred  that  she  met  with  no  hinderances  in 
her  upward  path ;  that  she  had  nothing  to  con- 
tend against  in  herself ;  that  a  good  natural 
disposition  and  religious  nurture  were  suffi- 
cient for  her.  She  did  not  become  a  Christian 
without  effort  and  struggle  :  no  human  being 
ever  did.  Though  the  conflict  in  some  souls 
may  be  more  secret,  though  the  battle  may  be 
without  noise  and  observation,  yet  all  the  faith- 
ful must  fight  for  the  crown,  and  none  can 
wear  it  without  having  overcome. 

Little  as  it  might  have  been  suspected  by 
those  who  only  saw  her  in  her  maturity,  when 
her  nature  had  been  softened  and  refined  by 


16  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

the  spirit  of  Jesus,  her  peculiar  hinderance  in 
following  Christ  was  that  which  is  perhaps  the 
hardest  of  all  to  conquer,  —  a  stubborn  will. 
With  all  her  religious  susceptibility,  with  all 
her  tenderness  and  quickness  of  conscience, 
with  all  her  warmth  of  affection,  was  combined 
an  unusual  obstinacy  and  pertinacity  of  will. 
To  subdue  this,  to  bring  it  into  entire  subjec- 
tion and  submissive  obedience  to  the  will  of 
God,  constituted  the  great  struggle  of  her 
life. 

In  allusion  to  this  quality  of  her  nature,  her 
mother  remarked  to  her  one  day,  towards  the 
close  of  her  life,  "  Maria,  how  much  religion 
has  done  for  you  ! "  —  "  Yes,  indeed,  mother," 
she  replied;  "  every  thing,  every  thing." 

If  there  were  no  other  evidence  of  the  en- 
tireness  of  the  sway  which  religious  faith  had 
over  her  heart,  and  the  thoroughness  of  the 
work  it  had  done  upon  her  nature,  the  com- 
plete and  childlike  yielding-up  of  her  own 
will,  which  was  one  of  the  most  marked  and 
beautiful  manifestations  of  the  last  years  of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  17 

her  life,  would  have  been  enough.  I  have 
never  seen  a  deeper  and  sweeter  submission. 
I  attributed  it,  in  part,  to  natural  pliability 
and  gentleness  ;  and  was  never  more  impressed 
with  the  transforming  power  of  the  love  of 
Christ  than  when  I  learned  from  her  parents 
the  fact  concerning  her  original  temper,  to 
which  I  have  referred.  The  faith  which  can 
do  that  for  a  heart,  can,  indeed,  do  every  thing. 
To  the  principle  which  can  accomplish  such  a 
transformation  in  human  nature,  nothing  is 
impossible. 

At  the  age  of  ten  years,  she  left  her  na- 
tive place.  New  London,  Connecticut,  for  the 
town  of  Tolland,  in  the  same  State ;  from 
whence  her  parents,  soon  after,  removed  to 
Springfield,  Massachusetts.  In  Tolland  she 
met  with  several  companions  of  about  the 
same  age,  whose  young  hearts  sympathized 
with  her  own  in  lively  interest  in  religion. 
With  them  she  was  accustomed  to  meet,  from 
time  to  time,  for  reading  the  Bible,  and  prayer. 
Though  of  a  sociable  disposition,  of  an  in- 


18  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

quiring  mindj  and  fond  of  nature,  she  loved 
more  than  all  things  else  to  converse  on 
religious  subjects,  and  to  engage  in  acts  of 
devotion.  Her  questions  regarding  the  rela- 
tion of  the  soul  to  God,  and  the  truths  of 
revelation,  indicated  a  degree  of  spiritual 
faith  and  knowledge  beyond  her  years.  Yet 
her  piety  was  fresh  and  unaffected.  It  was 
evident,  without  being  obtrusive  ;  earnest,  but 
at  the  same  time  easy ;  decided,  yet  perfectly 
childlike. 

On  one  of  the  first  pages  of  her  diary,  writ- 
ten many  years  ago,  are  these  lines,  truly  and 
happily  descriptive  of  the  intensity  of  her 
religious  longings  in  those  early  days:  — 

"  There  cnnnot  be 
On  earth  a  joy  so  pure  and  high, 
As  when  the  soul  to  God  would  flee, 
And  c6mmunes  with  eternity; 
Draws  from  the  living  springs  its  bliss, 
And  turns  to  heaven  for  happiness." 

While  residing  at  Springfield,  from  about 
her  twelfth  to  her  sixteenth  year,  it  was  her 
privilege  to  enjoy  the  pastoral  instruction  of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  19 

the  Rev.  W.  B.  0.  Peabodj,  D.D.,  a  man  of 
equal  genius  and  piety,  whose  name  we  can 
never  mention  without  affectionate  respect, 
mingled  with  a  sad  and  tender  interest.  For 
the  sake  of  greater  quiet,  as  well  as  to  gratify 
his  charming  taste  for  nature,  he  had  built, 
for  his  study,  a  little  lodge  in  his  garden.  In 
this  retreat,  only  a  privileged  few  ventured  to 
intrude  upon  him  ;  but,  having  discovered  in 
our  young  friend  an  unfeigned  and  unusual 
interest  in  religious  inquiries,  and  having 
become  affectionately  interested  in  the  deve- 
lopment of  a  character  so  full  of  promise,  he 
extended  to  her  a  cordial  invitation  to  visit 
him  there,  without  knocking  for  admission, 
whenever  she  might  need  his  counsel,  or 
desire  to  converse  with  him ;  kindly  assuring 
her  that  her  quiet  presence  would  never  be  an 
interruption. 

The  following  letter,  written  by  Dr.  Pea- 
body  some  years  after  Maria's  removal  to 
Boston,  not  only  shows  how  highly  he  regarded 
her,  but  reveals  the  beautiful  resignation  with 


20  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

which  he  bore  those  sad  bereavements  which 
overthrew  all  his  earthly  happiness :  — 

"  Springfield,  June  14,  1844. 

"I  was  very  much  gratified,  my  dear  Maria,  to 
receive  your  kind  letter,  and  to  find  myself  remem- 
bered with  any  degree  of  interest  and  regard.  I 
should  have  kept  up  my  acquaintance  with  you, 
had  I  been  situated,  with  respect  to  Boston,  as  I 
was  in  former  days :  but  the  changes  of  life  have 
removed  so  many  of  my  former  friends,  that,  for 
years  past,  I  have  been  in  the  city  only  as  a  pass- 
ing stranger ;  going  through  it  on  my  way  to  some 
other  place,  but  never  making  any  thing  which 
could  be  called  a  visit.  Should  I  be  there  for  any 
length  of  time,  it  would  give  me  great  pleasure  to 
call  on  you.  I  am  happy  to  find  that  you  retain 
any  pleasant  recollections  of  your  stay  in  Spring- 
field. You  are  better  situated  for  all  kinds  of 
improvement  than  when  you  was  here;  but  it  is 
very  gratifying  to  me  to  be  assured,  that  you  think 
you  derived  some  benefit  from  your  intercourse 
with   me. 

"I  have  been  visited  with  desolating  changes, 
which  showed  clearly  to  my  own  mind  how  essen- 
tial religion  is  to  all  the  comfort  and  security  of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  21 

life,  and  at  the  same  time  how  powerful  it  is  to 
sustain  when  every  thing  else  gives  way.  There 
could  not  be  a  more  entire  overthrow  of  all  my 
happiness  in  Hfe ;  but  I  have  never,  for  one 
moment,  distrusted  the  kindness  of  my  heavenly 
Father,  —  I  have  never  wished  it  otherwise.  I 
have  found  that  the  strong  filial  feeling  is  the  great 
support  of  the  mourner.  No  prospect  of  re-union, 
no  vision  of  heaven,  no  one  of  those  subjects  of 
consolation  which  are.  commonly  presented,  is  of  any 
avail :  while,  if  we  have  the  true  childlike  feeling 
of  love  and  confidence,  we  see  that  God  is  kinder 
to  us  than  we  are  to  ourselves ;  and  while  many 
things  which  we  bring  upon  ourselves  are  only 
evil,  and  that  continually,  every  thing  which  He 
assigns  us  will,  if  we  receive  it  aright,  result  in 
immortal  blessing.  I  doubt  not,  that  when,  in  the 
order  of  Providence,  you  are  called  to  endure  those 
afflictions  from  which  no  human  life -can  be  entirely 
free,  you  will  find  that  the  same  faith  which  you  now 
cherish  will  be  all  you  need  to  give  you  strength. 
It  has  been  so  with  me.  In  place  of  every  earthly 
hope,  which  withers,  a  heavenly  one  will  grow. 

"  It  has  given  me  great  pleasure  to  see  your  sister, 
though  I  have  not  been  able  to  see  as  much  of  her 
as  I  could  wish.     My  loss  of  those  on  whose  cheer- 


22  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

ful  energy  and  faithful  affection  I  once  depended, 
increases  my  cares  and  anxieties  a  hundred-fold, 
and  makes  large  demands  upon  my  time.  I  hope 
to  have  the  pleasure  of  seeing  you  here  at  some 
time  not  distant.  You  will  find  the  village  greafly 
changed ;  but  you  will  find  no  change  in  my  regard 
for  you. 

"  I  thank  you  again  for  writing  to  me,  my  dear 
Maria.     Will   you  give  my  best  remembrances  to 
your  father  and  mother  ?  and  .believe  me 
"  Affectionately  yours, 

"William  B.  0.  Peabody." 

My  own  acquaintance  with  Miss  Clapp  com- 
menced in  1836,  immediately  after  her  family 
took  up  their  abode  in  Boston.  She  was  then 
in  her  sixteenth  year.  There  was  something  in 
her  appearance,  which,  at  first  sight,  attracted 
attention,  and-awakened  a  lively  interest.  Her 
manner  was  quiet  and  modes^,  and  at  the  same 
time,  for  so  young  a  person,  impressively  car- 
nest.  Her  eye  was  mild  and  pleasant,  yet 
serious  and  very  deep.  Her  countenance  had 
that  peculiar  spiritual  beauty  —  the  highest 
beauty  —  which  can  only  be  imparted  by   a 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  23 

soul  of  the  purest  aspirations  and  a  heart  of 
the  sweetest  affections.  Her  very  look  pre- 
sented a  silent  but  irresistible  appeal  to  a 
pastor's  sympathy  and  confidence.  I  have  fre- 
quently heard  others  remark,  as  I  have  always 
felt,  that  her  face  was  like  that  of  an  angel. 
The  teachers  of  the  Sunday  school,  the  mem- 
bers of  the  Society  who  have  seen  her  at 
religious  meetings,  and  strangers  who  have 
visited  the  vestry  or  the  church,  have  been 
struck  with  its  peaceful  and  heavenly  expres- 
sion. The  best  thoughts  uttered  from  the 
desk  of  the  conference-room,  or  from  the  chair 
of  the  parlor,  in  evenings  of  Christian  commu- 
nion, were  always  reflected  by  her  responsive 
look,  —  sometimes  even  suggested  by  the  deli- 
cate spiritual  irradiation  of  her  countenance. 

Her  sabbath-school  teacher  from  1836  to 
1841  writes  concerning  her  impressions  of 
Maria  during  that  period,  as  follows :  — 

"  It  is  indeed  a  heartfelt  satisfaction  to  me  to 
add  my  testimony  to  the  pure  and  saintly  character 
of  my  former  pupil.  My  connection  with  her  is  one  of 


24  ^       PORTRAIT  OP  A 

the  brightest  spots  in  my  existence.  I  could  esteem 
nothing  so  precious  as  to  be  assured,  that  I  had  been 
an  humble  instrument,  through  the  divine  favor,  of 
aiding  her  in  pursuing  that  eminent  Christian  course 
\vhich  she  has  recently  finished.  If  I  have  done  her 
any  good,  it  has  been  returned  to  me  fourfold,  inas- 
much as  I  have  received  from  her  far  more  than  I 
could  ever  have  imparted,  through  her  consistent, 
harmonious,  beautiful  life.  I  cannot  recall  many 
facts  relating  to  her  while  in  my  class ;  but,  from  the 
confused  remembrances  of  the  past,  her  sweet,  affec- 
tionate smile  beams  distinctly  upon  me  still.  I  shall 
never  forget  that  look :  it  will  linger  with  me  for 
ever.  It  always  blessed  me  when  we  met  after  she 
had  grown  up,  as  it  did  when  she  was  but  a  child. 
It  will  be  cherished  amongst  the  choicest  of  the 
treasures  of  memory.  As  a  scliolar,  she  was  faith- 
ful in  every  duty  ;  most  punctual  and  exact.  If  but 
one  was  present,  I  was  sure  to  welcome  her.  If  at 
any  time  I  felt  discouraged,  I  was  animated  to  go  on 
by  her  loving  interest  in  her  studies  and  in  her 
teacher,  and  even  for  her  sake  alone." 

At  a  very  early  period  in  her  life,  our  friend 
had  felt  a  strong  desire  to  make  an  open  con- 
fession of  Christ,  and  to  unite  herself  "with  the 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  25 

church.  In  her  tenth  year,  she  had  expressed 
such  a  wish  to  her  mother  ;  but  that  judicious 
friend  advised  her  to  delay  such  a  step  till 
she  should  have  become  more  thoroughly  esta- 
blished in  Christian  knowledge,  as  well  as  faith 
and  resolution  ;  in  the  mean  time,  encoura- 
ging her  to  remain  and  witness  the  celebration 
of  the  Lord's  Supper,  that  she  might  enjoy  the 
influences  of  that  affecting  and  holy  scene, 
and  partake,  in  heart  and  spirit,  if  not  in 
form,  at  the  commemorative  table. 

This  early  desire,  under  Christian  nurture 
and  instruction,  grew  warmer  and  deeper  with 
her  advancing  life ;  till,  in  her  eighteenth 
year,  after  several  conversations  with  her 
pastor,  in  which  she  manifested  the  deepest 
humility,  mingled  with  an  undoubting  confi- 
dence in  the  Saviour's  strength,  she  took  upon 
herself,  in  the  presence  of  the  assembled 
church,  the  sublime  vows  of  a  disciple.  The 
event  is  thus  noticed  in  her  journal :  — 

"  May  27,  1838.  —  I  acknowledged  myself  to  be 
a  disciple  of  my  Saviour,  and  united  myself  with  the 


26  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

Second  Church  in  Boston,  under  the  pastoral  care 
of  Rev.  Mr.  R.  Oh  that  my  whole  future  Hfe  may 
prove  my  sincerity !  and  may  I  never  look  back,  but 
press  onward,  never  trusting  in  my  own  strength  ! 

Lord,  in  the  strength  of  grace, 
With  a  glad  heart  and  free, 
Myself,  my  residue  of  days, 
I  consecrate  to  thee. 

Thy  ransomed  servant,  I 
Restore  to  thee  thine  own; 
And,  from  this  moment,  live  or  die 
To  serve  my  God  alone. 


The  sweet,  the  solemn  hour  is  past! 

I  now  am  Christ's !  —  and  not  alone 

By  parents'  wish  and  baptism's  seal, 
But  by  the  solemn  vows  I  own, 

By  the  free  choice,  and  faith  I  feel. 
Yes,  thine,  dear  Lord !     Be  this  my  lot ! 

To  thee  I  am  for  ever  given : 
The  grave  and  death  divide  us  not ; 

My  heart  from  thee  shall  ne'er  be  riven." 

How  sincere  she  was  in  this  self-dedication, 
how  faithful  in  her  purpose  "  never  to  look 
back,  but  to  press  onward,"  her  whole  subse- 
quent life  has  proved. 

For  the  Lord's  Supper,  as  a  means  of  reli- 
gious growth  and  comfort,  no  one  could  have 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  27 

a  more  lively  attachment,  or  a  more  profound 
regard.  We  all  saw  and  knew  by  her  example, 
as  well  as  by  her  conversation,  that  she  greatly 
loved  this  service  of  commemoration.  No 
young  person  who  ever  enjoyed  her  instruction 
can  fail  to  remember  the  frequency  and  ear- 
nestness with  which  she  commended  to  them 
this  duty  of  grtititude,  this  privilege  of  dis- 
cipleship.  But  no  one  can  fully  understand 
the  depth  and  warmth  of  her  attachment  to  it, 
or  her  sense  of  the  benefit  and  blessings  of 
which  it  had  been  the  instrument  to  herself, 
who  has  nigt*  read  the  pages  of  her  diary. 
Almost  every  communion-day  has  some  record 
there,  in  words  glowing  with  gratitude  and 
holy  love  ;  and  every  record  is  the  memorial 
of  a  new  consecration  of  herself  to  her  Re- 
deemer. 

"  Communion  Day.  • —  Blessed  service  !  holy, 
priceless  festival !  ...  It  is  my  greatest  privilege. 
It  has  had  such  an  influence  upon  my  life  as  I  am 
unable  to  describe.  It  has  been  as  an  angel  to  me, 
to  guide,  to  warn,  to  strengthen,  to  bless   me,  ever 


28  PORTRAIT  OP   A 

since  I  came,  by  God's  gracious  persuasion,  under 
its  hallowing  and  protectino^  influence." 

^  May  28.  —  Hallowed  and  peaceful  commemo- 
rative sabbath !  thou  dost  bid  my  soul  pause,  and 
look  back ;  thou  hast  called  me  to  a  fresh  consecra- 
tion. My  soul,  forget  not  thy  promise  when  thou 
didst  take  that  '  cup  of  remembrance,'  —  when 
thou  didst  reach  forth  thy  hand  to  raise  it,  and  kiss 
it  with  thy  lips !  •  My  Father,  help  me  to  keep  those 
vows.  May  this  new  Christian  year  upon  which  I 
now  enter  be  all  given  to  my  Saviour !  Living  or 
dying,  may  I  be  thine !  I  yield  this  unworthy  self 
once  more  to  thee.  Let  me  never,  never,  wander 
more.  O  blessed  Saviour !  wilt  thou  come  and  take 
up  thy  abode  with  me?  Cleanse  me  from  these 
easily  besetting  sins.  The  future  of  my  life  I  give 
to  thee.  Thou  wilt  keep  me.  *  Lord,  I  believe : 
help  thou  mine  unbelief.' " 

"  September,  1844.  —  Have  attended  church.  My 
feelings  to-day  have,  for  the  most  part,  seemed  to  me 
like  the  weather.  It  has  been  dark  imd  rainy ;  no 
sun  ;  all  gloomy  and  dreary.  So,  in  the  forenoon, 
did  I  feel.  I  could  not  raise  myself  from  the  dead- 
ness  of  spirit  which  weighed  me  down.     I  listened 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  29 

attentively  to  the  words  of  the  preacher.  They  gra- 
dually revived  my  soul.  They  said  to  me,  '  Be  not 
cast  down,  be  not  disquieted,  even  though  thou  hast 
sinned.  Pour  out  thy  heart  to  God ;  offer  the  sacri- 
fice of  a  contrite  spirit ;  ask  of  him  forgiveness  in 
the  name  of  his  blessed  Son ;  ask,  and  it  shall  be 
given  thee.'  I  did  ask.  '  I  sought  the  Lord,  and  he 
heard  me.'  By  degrees  my  spirit  revived.  '  I  looked 
unto  him,  and  was  lightened ;  and  he  delivered  me 
from  my  fears.'  I  asked  for  strength,  and  he 
*  strengthened  me  with  strength  in  my  soul.'  I 
endeavored  to .  forget  myself  by  remembering  the 
Lord,  and  feeling  his  presence. 

"  My  heart  was  touched,  as,  at  the  close  of  the  day, 
we  gathered  at  the  table  of  our  dying  Lord,  when 
the  preacher  said,  on  presenting  the  cup,  *  Disciples 
of  Jesus  Christ,  take  this  cup,'  &c.  That  word  dls- 
ciple  never  sounded  so  significant  and  so  dear  to  me. 
Delightful,  precious  thought !  —  a  disciple  of  Christ, 
his  pupil,  his  little  scholar,  under  his  tuition,  his 
nurture,  his  faithful  and  gentle  instruction  and  care. 
My  eyes  filled  with  grateful  and  affectionate  tears 
that  that  name  could  be  applied  to  me,  mingled 
with  tears  of  shame  that  I  so  poorly  deserved  it.  I 
have  a  desire  to  be  a  Christian ;  but  my  conscience 
tells   me  I   am   not,   in   the  truest  sense.      I  have 


30  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

endeavored  the  last  six  years  to  be  a  follower  of 
Christ,  and  in  those  years  have  been  the  happiest 
moments  of  my  life ;  and,  if  ever  a  shade  of  gloom 
has  passed  over  my  countenance,  it  has  been  only  on 
account  of  my  own  shortcomings.  It  is  this  which 
has  saddened  my  heart  to-day.  But  never,  never, 
will  I  absent  myself  from  the  communion-table,  so 
long  as  I  can  find  there  such  sympathy  and  encourage- 
ment as  I  have  found  to-day,  and  always,  always,  do 
receive,  in  that  hallowed  scene." 

"  Dec.  1,  Sabbath  Eve.  —  To-day  completes  an- 
other year  of  my  fleeting  existence.  My  birthday ! 
Twenty-four  years  have  passed.  It  seems  but  a  little 
while.  On  almost  every  return  of  this  anniversar}^, 
I  have  paused  to  reflect  upon  the  past,  and  to  resolve 
for  the  future.  So  would  T  now.  I  attended  church 
this  afternoon.  It  was  a  season  of  communion.  I 
felt  happy  that  I  had  the  privilege  of  sitting  at  that 
table  on  this  first  day  of  my  new  year.  May  the 
thoughts   and    impressions  of  that  hour  abide  with 


me 


"  I  would  endeavor,  the  coming  year,  to  live  nearer 
to  God,  to  realize  his  constant  presence,  and  to  love 
him  with  an  undivided  love.  As  year  after  year  is 
added  to  my  life,  I  feel  more  and  more  the  impor- 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE..  31 

tance  of  attending  to  the  concerns  of  the  immortal 
soul  —  that  alone  which  is  truly  ourselves  —  while 
young.  It  shall  be  my  endeavor  so  sincerely  to 
imbibe  the  spirit  of  my  Saviour,  that  I  shall  win  my 
pupils,  my  brothers  and  sisters,  to  be  his  disciples,  — 
learners  of  Christ.  Why  is  it  that  the  young  are  not 
more  frequently  encouraged  and  invited  to  come  and 
sit  at  the  table  which  is  richly  furnished  for  all? 
Could  a  young  person  partake  at  that  'feast  of 
love,'  and  not*  have  his  heart  quickened  and  made 
to  burn  within  him  as  he  thought  of  Jesus,  the 
friend  from  heaven,  who  died  for  him  ?  No,  it  can- 
not be." 

"Aug.  27,  1842.  —  I  feel  an  inexpressible  debt 
of  gratitude  for  the  rich  spiritual  blessings  I  have 
enjoyed  this  day.  Oh,  how  lovely  does  the  character 
of  Jesus  appear,  when  we  meditate  upon  it !  I  love 
to  have  that  dear  Saviour  the  theme  of  discourse 
always,  but  especially  when  about  to  comply  with 
his  last  request,  '  This  do  in  remembrance  of  me.' 
I  would  not  exchange  for  worlds  the  happiness  I 
feel  while  at  the  table  of  my  Lord,  his  guest; 
and  though  I  feel  my  sinfulness,  and  know  I  am 
unworthy  to  bear  the  Christian  name,  yet  I  feel  that 
he  is  always  ready  with  outstretched  arms  to  receive, 


32  PORTRAIT  OP  A 

forgive,  and  bless  all  who  in  humility  and  sincerity 
come  unto  him." 

"June,  1845.  —  Another  precious  season  of  com- 
munion have  I  enjoyed.  Truly  these  are  spiritual 
feasts.  Any  soul  need  not  hunger  and  thirst,  could 
it  only  come  and  receive  this  food  divine.  My  soul 
has  been  fed  with  manna  from  heaven  as  oft  as  I 
have  sat  at  the  Saviour's  table.  To-day,  when  I  went 
to  it,  I  could  not  at  first  fix  my  thoughts  as  I  wished ; 
but  I  trusted  in  the  power  of  that  holy  scene  to  do 
it  for  me.  I  trusted  and  expected  to  receive  from  it 
the  blessing  our  dear  Lord  left  in  and  upon  it  for 
his  lowly  disciples.  I  knew  and  felt  that  I  should 
derive  good  from  it.  And  I  did.  It  drew  my 
thoughts,  sweetly,  there  where  I  vainly  tried  to  fix 
them.  It  spread  a  holy  calmness  over  my  mind.  It 
diffused  a  blessed  peace  into  my  soul." 

"  June  1.  —  Have  just  spent  one  of  the  most 
solemn  and  interesting  evenings  I  ever  enjoyed. 
The  pastors  and  communicants  of  our  churches 
united  together  in  the  celebration  of  the  Lord's  Sup- 
per at  Rev.  Dr.  G.'s  church.  The  lower  part  of  the 
house  was  entirely  filled  with  the  professed  disciples 
of  Jesus.     I  was  vividly  reminded  of  that  hour  when 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  33 

all  who  shall  have  continued  faithful  to  their  profes- 
sion shall  meet  around  the  throne  of  God.  The 
sermon  was  short  and  impressive,  reaching  the 
heart ;  and  must  have  aroused  all  to  examine  them- 
selves. Dehghtful  hymns  were  selected,  and  sung 
by  the  congregation.  As  the  bread  and  the  cup 
passed  round  from  one  to  another,  what  thoughts 
filled  the  mind !  some  of  them  never  to  be  forgot- 
ten. O  holy,  happy  season  !  may  our  future  lives 
be  influenced  by  this  hour !  I  did  not  want  to  leave. 
It  did  not  seem  like  earth.  But  I  remember,  these 
are  only  refreshments  in  the  Christian's  course.  We 
must  come  down  from  the  mount,  and  enter  the  busy 
scenes  of  life  ;  meet  again  with  temptation  and  trial. 
I  remember  that  we  are  now  to  go  on,  and  prove  hy 
our  lives  our  faith  and  love,  —  prove  that  we  are 
Christ's  disciples.  All  felt  the  solemn  influence  of 
the  hour.  But  few  words  were  spoken  among  the 
little  group  of  friends  with  whom  I  walked  home : 
each  seemed  to  desire  to  be  left  to  enjoy  holy 
thoughts  in  secrecy  and  silence." 

Such  sentiments  as  these  occur  continually 
in  the  record  of  her  meditations  on  the  days  of 
communion.  There  is  one  other  entry  in  her 
diary,  bearing  upon  that  sacred  occasion,  and 


34  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

illustrative  of  the  same  feelings  of  deep  attach- 
ment to  the  Lord's  Supper  to  which  reference 
has  been  already  made,  which  I  cannot  suffer 
myself  to  leave  unnoticed  in  this  connection. 
It  seems  to  me  very  beautiful,  not  only  for  the 
devotional  spirit  it  breathes,  but  also  as  a 
description. 

"  May  30.  —  Sweet,  sacred  sabbath  !  welcome 
have  been  thy  hours  of  worship  and  of  communion. 
This  anniversary  is  dearer  to  me  than  all  others, 
dearer  than  my  birthday  and  than  any  festival, 
because  it  marks  and  recalls  the  day  of  my  sweet 
and  solemn  covenant  with  Jesus,  of  perpetual 
love  and  trust.  Often,  often,  has  my  soul  been  re- 
vived and  refreshed,  and  more  ardent  desires  after 
holiness  been  awakened,  as  I  have  sat  in  the  stillness 
and  quiet  of  the  sabbath  afternoon  at  the  table  of  the 
dear  Lord,  to  whom  I  have  joined  and  committed 
myself,  my  all.  How  gently  has  he  led  me  by  the 
silken  cords  of  love!  how  abundantly  has  he  ful- 
filled his  promise  to  me,  —  to  keep  and  to  restore  my 
soul,  and  lead  me  in  green  pastures ! 

"  To-day  I  again  enter  *  my  Father's  house.*  As 
I  advance  towards  my  accustomed  seat,  I  see  the  old 
and  the  young  assembled  to  worship  God.     Silence 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  35 

reigns.  What  thoughts  fill  the  mind!  what  emo- 
tions swell  in  the  heart!  As  I  look  around  upon 
faces  over  wliich  reverence  spreads  its  -calm  and  ele- 
vated expression,  methinks,  here  and  there,  true 
hearts  are  disposing  themselves  to  worship  in  spirit 
and  in  truth,  and  silently  are  praying  for  the 
presence  and  blessing  of  God  upon  the  sacred  duties 
about  to  be  performed.  Soon  the  silence  is  sweetly 
broken  by  the  tuneful  peal  of  the  organ,  as  the  earth- 
ly shepherd  of  the  assembled  flock  ascends  the 
sacred  desk,  causing  our  hearts  to  swell  with  grati- 
tude and  praise.  A  portion  of  God's  holy  word  is 
then  read.  The  minister  is  seated.  The  voice  of 
the  organ  is  again  heard,  in  soft  and  subdued  tones, 
inviting  and  helping  the  mind  to  meditate  on  the 
divine  truths  which  have  been  uttered,  and  preparing 
it  to  engage  in  the  succeeding  act  of  devotion,  when 
our  pastor  shall  stand  up,  and  say,  in  reverential 
and  persuasive  tones,  '  Let  us  pray.'  The  hymn 
of  praise  is  then  sung.  And  now  the  words  of  the 
text  are  heard,  —  ^  I  came  not  to  condemn  the  world, 
hut  to  save  the  worlds  Our  hearts  are  then  led  to 
the  Saviour,  and  fastened  on  him.  Another  brief 
prayer,  a  doxology,  and  a  benediction.  But,  before 
the  benediction,  a  sweet  invitation  is  given  from  the 
pulpit  to  a  participation  at  the  table  of  our  common 


36  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

Lord,  to  the  dear  and  sacred  rite  in  commemoration 
of  the  Saviour  who  died  for  us.  But  why,  why,  does 
any  one  go  away  ?  Why  do  not  all  remain  ?  Is 
not  that  Saviour  dear  to  all  ? 

"  They  have  departed.  Sadly  have  we  seen  them 
rise,  and  go  away.  May  the  peace  of  Christ,  which 
has  been  invoked  upon  all  of  us,  go  with  them,  and 
remain  with  them,  and  at  length,  by  the  power  of  its 
sweetness,  draw  them  unto  him,  so  that  they  shall 
never  be  willing  to  turn  from  him  again,  or  from 
any  thing  that  is  associated  with  his  remembrance, 
or  emblematical  of  his  spirit  and  his  grace ! 

"But  they  have  departed.  The  door  is  shut; 
and  we  are  left,  a  little  band  of  Christ's  disciples, 
faint  ourselves,  but  pursuing  ;  not  more  worthy,  per- 
haps, than  others,  but  loving  much,  because  we  feel 
that  we  are  forgiven  much ;  coming  near  and  clinging 
fast  to  our  Lord  and  Master,  because  we  have  felt 
how  weak  we  are,  how  kind  and  strong  he  is,  and 
that,  separated  from  him,  we  cannot  stand  nor  rest 

"  Lo,  Christ  is  here !  Thoughts  of  the  world, 
begone !  this  is  no  place  for  you.  Cares  and 
pleasures  of  earth,  be  far  from  the  mind!  This 
ground  is  holy.  Disciple  of  Jesus,  thou  art  drawmg 
near  in  spirit  to  thy  Saviour  ;  thou  hast  come  up  into 
the  mount  to  see  bis  glory  and  his  beauty  through 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  37 

these  sacred  veils.  Wait  for  his  peaceful  influence 
to  proceed  from  these  memorials  which  he  has  con- 
secrated and  blessed  for  thee.  Listen  till  the  voice 
of  the  Son  of  God  speaks  to  thy  heart  from  these 
hallowed  emblems. 

"  Thou  hast  now  eaten  of  the  broken  bread,  and 
pressed  to  thy  lips  the  '  cup  of  blessings.'  Oh,  now, 
as  thou  descendest  from  the  mount,  may  thy  body,  fed 
with  this  divine  food,  use  all  its  members  as  servants 
of  purity  and  righteousness !  As  thou  goest  out  to 
the  world,  may  these  lips  bless^  and  not  injure ; 
speak  words  of  truth  and  peace  and  mercy ;  be  wholly 
attuned  to  the  praises  of  God  and  the  Lamb ! 

"Now  we  have  sung  our  parting  hymn,  and, 
covered  with  a  heavenly  benediction,  leave  the  sanc- 
tuary. .  .  .  But  here  is  one  who  has  remained,  not 
to  partake  with  us  at  the  table,  but  to  sit  apart, 
and,  from  a  distance,  to  survey  the  scene.  *  And 
why,  dear  friend,'  I  say,  taking  her  by  the  hand, '  why 
do  you  not  join  our  company  ?  why  do  you  not  feed 
with  us  on  the  food  divine  ?  why  do  you  not  come 
closer  to  the  dear  Redeemer  in  faith,  and  take 
your  portion  as  a  guest? '  —  *I  am  not  worthy,'  is  her 
reply :  '  if  I  were  good  enough,  oh  how  gladly  would 
I  stay  ! '  —  *  Alas ! '  I  rejoined,  '  neither  am  I  worthy, 
neither  are  any  of  us  worthy.     Ask  each  of  those 


38  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

who  have  just  left  the  supper,  you  would  have  the 
same  answer,  "  Neither  am  I  good  enough."  Who  is 
good  enough  to  claim  a  place  at  the  feast  of  Jesus, 
in  the  bosom  of  the  spotless  Lord  ?  But,  my  dear 
sister,  for  myself  I  can  say,  never,  never,  can  I  be 
grateful  enough  that  the  power  of  the  Saviour's 
invitation  conquered  my  own  reluctance,  on  account 
of  my  sense  of  unworthiness.  Never  can  I  be  grate- 
ful enough  that  his  encouraging  call,  and  his  in- 
spiriting promise,  "Lo,  it  is  I;  be  not  afraid!" 
overpowered  the  suggestions  of  my  own  timid  mind 
and  all  the  doubts  of  my  self-distrusting  heart,  and 
drew  me,  compelled  me,  to  come  near  and  join  my- 
self to  him  and  to  the  company  of  his  confessed 
disciples.'  Thus,  and  in  many  more  such  words,  as 
we  walked  homeward,  I  expressed  to  her  my  feel- 
ings, and  told  her  of  the  strength  and  comfort  I 
had  found;  and,  as  we  parted,  pressed  her  hand 
warmly,  for  my  heart  yearned  towards  her  soul,  and 
said,  *  Think  of  these  things.'  It  may  be  that  her 
heart  is  touched,  and  that  she  will  be  induced  to 
enroll  her  name  amongst  the  confessers  of  Christ. 
O  Father  in  heaven,  lead  her,  lead  all  whom  I  love, 
to  thy  blessed  Son!  May  he  draw  all  men  unto 
him!" 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  39 

In  connection  with  Miss  Clapp's  ardent  at- 
tachment to  the  Lord's  Supper,  I  cannot 
forbear  to  mention  another  interesting  feature 
of  her  rehgious  experience,  which  has  im- 
pressed me  as  I  have  turned  over  the  pages  of 
her  journal.  I  allude  to  the  entireness  and 
frequency  of  her  self-dedication  to  God.  On 
every  communion-sabbath,  as  has  been  already 
hinted,  often  at  other  times,  invariably  at  the 
beginning  of  the  year,  and  on  her  birth- 
days, and,  with  hardly  an  exception,  on  the 
anniversary  of  her  admission  to  the  church, 
there  are  records  which  show  that  she  renewed 
her  vows  of  consecration  with  ever-deepening 
self-examination  and  self-surrender. 

This  is,  indeed,  a  great  and  solemn  act  of 
filial  duty  to  God,  although  to  many  persons 
a  dreaded  duty.  Many  Christians  speak  of  it 
often,  and  earnestly  recommend  it  to  others ; 
but  few,  it  is  to  be  feared,  heartily  perform  it 
for  themselves.  Strange  that  it  should  be  so 
hard  to  give  ourselves  up  to  Him  who  already 
has  us  wholly  in  his  power !  to  offer  our  willing 


40  PORTRAIT   OF    A 

service  to  Him  whom  it  is  vain  and  perilous 
to  disobey,  but  whose  "  service  is  perfect  free- 
dom " !  to  put  away  all  feelings  of  alienation 
against  Him  who  created  and  sustains  us, 
who  has  given  us  whatever  good  things  we 
possess,  and  promised  us  all  good  things, 
without  measure  and  without  end,  if  we 
Avill  trust  and  love  him  !  to  consent  to  re- 
nounce what  offends  our  heavenly  Father, 
and  only  makes  ourselves  miserable,  and  so  to 
enter  into  a  blessed  state  of  reconciliation  and 
loving  fellowship  with  the  greatest  and  best, 
the  infinitely  Good,  and  enjoy  him  and  be  near 
to  him  for  ever  !  Strange  that  it  should  be, 
or  rather  seem,  so  hard !  But,  hard  as  it  may 
seem,  it  is  no  less  a  sublime  joy  tjian  a  solemn 
duty.  It  lies  at  the  foundation  of  a  true  and 
blessed  life. 

Our  humble  friend  sincerely  discharged  this 
duty.  The  result  we  saw  :  the  cause  we  could 
not  see  while  she  lived.  It  was  revealed  only 
to  Him  who  seeth  the  Christian  in  his  closet, 
and  rewardeth  openly  bis  secret  vows  by  the  j 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  41 

beautiful  fruits  of  righteousness.  The  result 
we  partially  saw,  in  her  pure  life,  in  her 
peaceful  death.  But  she  herself  realized  it, 
even  on  earth,  —  how  much  more  than  we 
could  see !  —  in  the  spiritual  joy  she  experi- 
enced in  her  last  days,  which  she  said  was 
'beyond  expression  deep. 

Now  that  she  is  dead,  and  her  meek  spirit 
can  no  longer  hide  the  record  of  its  sacred 
acts,  shall  the  veil  be  lifted  from  before  them  ? 
Only  with  a  feeling  of  sacredness  ;  only  for  the 
help  of  others,  not  for  her  praise. 

"  May  29.  —  The  return  of  the  sacred  anniver- 
sary-sabbath calls  me  to  solemn  reflection.  Deeper 
and  holier  may  my  desires  be,  O  my  Father,  this 
year,  —  if  thou  permittest  me  to  live,  —  to  please 
thee ! 

*'  I  have  to-day  consecrated  myself  anew  to  the 
service  of  my  Redeemer.  I  have  entered  into 
covenant  —  formally  in  the  presence  of  my  sabbath- 
school  class,  and  secretly  at  the  commemorative 
table  —  to  be  wholly  the  Lord's,  in  word,  thought, 
and  action.  O  God!  in  thy  strength  alone  do  I 
trust.      Keep   me  from   violating   these    covenant- 


42  *  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

vows.  *  Oh  !  draw  me,  Father,  after  thee  ;  so  shall 
I  run,  and  never  tire.'  I  will  seek  to  advance  the 
kingdom  of  God  in  the  hearts  of  all  I  can  influ- 
ence, in  memory  of  Jesus,  who  has  done  so  much 
for  me." 

Jan.  12.  —  My  mind  has  been  exercised  in  a 
peculiar  manner  to-day,  while  reading  the  Memoir* 
and  Sermons  of  my  former  beloved  pastor,  —  Rev. 
Dr.  Peabody,  of  Springfield.  I  have  been  led  to 
look  into  and  through  my  heart ;  and  oh,  my  Father 
in  heaven,  how  unclean  it  must  appear  to  thy  holy 
eye !  But,  O  God !  thou  knowest  my  desire,  and 
thou  hast  again  listened  to  my  petition  for  strength 
to  live  wholly  to  thee.  I  have  resolved  to  have  all 
my  actions  performed  with  reference  to  the  will  of 
God !  I  am  resolved  that  no  day  shall  pass  without 
my  having  done  an  act  of  kindness  to  some  of  God's 
creatures.  I  am  resolved  to  overcome  rny  prone- 
ness  to  selfishness.  And  what  I  do  is  not  to  obtain 
the  approbation  of  God,  but  to  show  my  heavenly 
Father  that  I  would  do  his  will." 

"  Nov.  7.  —  Desires  are  rising,  of  late,  more  and 
more  in  my  heart,  which  I  fain  would  cherish, — 
desires  for  a  nearer  approach  to  the  Saviour ;    of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE*.  43 

a  more  intimate  communion  with  my  heavenly 
Father ;  that  my  wishes  may  centre  in  what  God 
requires ;  that  I  may  ask,  first  of  all  and  only, 
'  Lord,  what  wouldst  thou  have  me  to  do  ? '  With 
help  from  on  high,  the  present  week  shall  be  en- 
tirely spent  for  eternity.  Whether  I  eat  or  drink, 
or  whatever  I  do,  I  will  do  all  as  for  the  glory  of 
God.  My  own  strength  is  weak.  "O  my  Father, 
may  thy  will  be  mine  !  May  I  love  thee,  and  devote 
to  thee  the  life  thou  hast  given  !  In  the  hour  of 
temptation,  may  thy  strength  be  made  perfect  in  my 
weakness !  May  I  say  to  every  tempter,  '  Get  thee 
behind  me,  Satan  ! '  And  then,  as  the  soul's  adver- 
sary shall  flee  from  the  rebuke  of  one  who  is  conscious 
of  a  sincere  desire  to  be  wholly  thine,  may  angels  of 
peace  and  purity  hover  around  to  minister  to  thy 
child  in  the  eventful  hour !  " 

"  Dec.  0,  1846.  —  My  heavenly  Father,  this 
night  I  humbly  seek  to  love  thee,  to  serve  thee,  to 
devote  to  my  Saviour  the  life  thou  hast  given. 

"  In  the  house  of  God  this  afternoon,  at  the  close 
of  the  sermon,  I  was  about  making  a  resolution  to 
devote,  in  a  solemn  manner,  —  in  the  secret  silence 
of  my  soul,  surrounded  by  the  worshippers  of  God, 
—  myself  to    God   more  unreservedly  than  I  had 


44  PORTRAIT  OP  A 

ever  done.  The  last  two  lines  awakened  the 
thought.  I  could  not  resolve.  A  spell  seemed  to 
be  upon  my  will.  Every  thing  around  was  calm ; 
the  sanctuary  a  fitting  place ;  in  the  presence-cham- 
ber of  God ;  praying  souls  around  me,  and  yet  mine 
alone  with  God ;  voices  of  praise  ascending  to  his 
throne  ;  and  yet  my  will  was  holden.  The  parting 
hymn  was  nearly  finished:  still  I  hesitated.  The 
thought,  that,  when  tlie  service  ended,  other  feelings 
and  thoughts  might  intrude  to  banish  the  hallowed 
monition,  to  drown  the  holy  whisper,  made  me  feel 
that  I  should  not  'quench  the  Spirit.'  My  heart 
rallied  its  powers :  the  spell  was  broken,  and  I 
inwardly  resolved  to  Mive  or  die  to  God,*  as  the 
choir  were  singing  those  very  lines.  Shall  I  suc- 
ceed ?  Not  in  mine  own  strength.  I  will  flee  to  the 
Rock  that  is  higher  than  I." 

"  March  5.  —  There  is  a  difference,  a  rich  variety, 
in  our  sabbaths :  and  yet  all  sabbaths  are  alike ; 
for  they  all  remind  us  of  the  eternal  sabbalh  of 
rest  prepared  for  all  who  love  God.  To-day  I  have 
been  spiritually  fed  by  the  counsels  of  Rev.  Mr. 

,  from  the  text,  *  If  any  man  will  come  after 

me,  let  him  deny  himself,  and  take  up  his  cross 
daily,  and  follow  me.'      Oh,   how  those  words  im- 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  45 

pressed  me !  Alas !  self,  self,  how  it  comes  in  the 
way!  I  have  again  been  awakened  to  a  sense  of 
duty.  Oh,  I  would  cherish  to  my  dying  hour  the 
hallowed  associations  of  this  day !  I  have  partaken 
at  the  commemorative  table ;  the  bread  and  wine, 
emblems  of  my  Saviour's  sufferings  for  love  and  for 
righteousness'  sake,  have  again  been  displayed  be- 
fore my  eyes,  and  received  into  my  lips.  If  he 
bore  the  ignominy  and  the  agony  of  the  cross  for 
the  good  of  others ;  was  bruised  for  our  iniquities, 
and  chastised  for  our  peace,  —  shall  not  I,  in  my 
daily  life,  take  up  my  little  cross,  and  deny  myself; 
counting  it  all  joy  to  prove,  in  Q\eYj  act,  my  desire 
to  please  the  Father  ? 

"  Such,  then,  is  my  resolve  from  this  moment. 
God  and  my  Saviour  shall  henceforth  be  my  all-in- 
all.  In  the  most  trivial  act  of  every-day  life,  I  will 
be  on  my  guard,  and  do  it  as  for  Him.  Even  the 
tone  of  my  voice  towards  those  who  try  me  shall 
be  for  the  glory  of  God.  When  perplexed  at 
school;  or  disturbed  at  home,  I  must  possess  my 
soul  in  peace,  —  this  soul  consecrated  to  Christ.  I 
must  be  ready  to  yield  up  my  own  wishes  and  com- 
fort for  others'  good,  and,  so,  meekly  confess  my  Sa- 
viour's gentleness  and  disinterestedness,  who,  when 
he  was  reviled,  reviled  not  again ;   and  who  came, 


46  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

not  to  be  ministered  unto,  but  to  minister.  I  must 
suffer  no  feeling  of  unforgiveness  to  remain  towards 
any ;    not   even  a   shade  of  unforgiveness  towards 

,  who  has  deeply  wounded  me,  and  marred  the 

happiness  of  my  friends ;  but  must  teach  my  heart 

to  love ,  and  all  others  who  may  have  offended 

me,  that  I  may  be  perfect  in  the  Christian  spirit 
and  temper,  wanting  nothing.  O  my  Father,  grant 
these  desires  of  my  heart,  forgive  the  past,  and  ac- 
cept my  whole  offering  !     Amen." 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  47 


CHAPTER    III. 

Christian  Activity  and  Usefulness.  Sunday  School 
AND  Day  School.  Correspondence  with  her  Young 
Pupils  and   Friends. 

One  evidence  of  the  genuineness  of  piety  is 
an  earnest  desire  and  purpose  to  be  useful. 
If  we  love  God,  we  cannot  be  satisfied  without 
serving  him.  If  we  love  the  Saviour,  we  shall 
be  willing  to  work  for  him,  to  teach  his  truth, 
to  feed  his  lambs,  to  lead  others  to  love  and 
honor  him.  A  selfish  enjoyment  of  religion 
involves  a  contradiction.  To  desire  to  absorb 
the  divine  light  is  to  close  our  souls  to  its  illu- 
mination. To  desire  to  appropriate  the  bread 
of  God  and  the  water  of  life  to  our  personal 
sustenance  and  private  delight  is  spiritual 
covetousness,  the  meanest  and  most  offensive 
of  all.  That  piety  which  is  ever  contemplat- 
ing itself,  watching  its  own  emotions,  rejoicing 


48  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

at  its  own  increase,  mourning  over  its  dimi- 
nution, narrowly  inspecting  and  carefully 
depicting  its  varying  moods  and  shades,  en- 
grossed in  its  own  culture,  uninterested  in  the 
moral  condition  of  others,  never  forgetting 
itself  in  prayers  and  sacrifices  for  their  spirit- 
ual benefit,  —  though  it  may  fill  sentimental 
diaries,  and  gain  a  fame  for  superior  sanctity 
equal  to  its  conceit,  is  worse  than  morbid  and 
visionary  :  it  is  self-seeking,  unchristian.  We 
are  only  really  going  towards  heaven  when 
we  are  growing  in  love ;  nor  can  we  expect  a 
cordial  welcome  at  its  golden  gate,  unless  we 
are  leading  with  us  from  the  wilderness  some 
lost  brother  to  our  Father's  house,  or  bearing 
in  our  arms  a  stray  lamb  of  the  Saviour  to  lay 
as  our  love-offering  in  his  bosom. 

Amongst  the  earliest  and  most  charming 
manifestations  of  the  religious  spirit  in  the 
case  of  our  friend  was  an  ardent  desire  to 
minister,  as  a  disciple  of  Jesus,  to  others. 
Mingled  with  such  devotional  aspirations  as 
we    have    already   noticed,  there    occur    on 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  49 

nearly  every  page  of  her  journal  equally  ear- 
nest expressions  of  wishes  and  purposes  to  be 
useful. 

"  March  25.  —  Have  been  led  to  reflect  upon 
the  duty  and  importance  of  a  life  of  active  piety,  of 
devoted  usefulness.  To  this  same  subject  my  mind 
has  been  many  times  drawn  of  late.  I  have  asked 
myself,  'Am  I  doing  all  the  good  in  my  power? 
What  influence  do  I  exert  upon  those  around  me  ? 
Am  I  content  to  seek  alone  for  the  pearl  of  great 
price  ?  or  am  I  endeavoring  to  lead  others,  by  pre- 
cept and  example,  to  the  fold  of  Christ?'  Most 
earnestly  have  I  been  led  to  examine  the  inmost 
recesses  of  my  soul,  to  search  after  the  selfishness 
that  may  taint  my  motives  and  mingle  with  my  re- 
ligious purposes.  O  my  Father,  give  me  a  clean 
heart!  The  more  earnestly  I  long  after  holiness 
myself,  the  more  do  I  desire  that  all  should  partake 
of  the  happiness  of  loving  and  serving  God.  Let 
me  watch  for  every  opportunity  of  leading  others 
onward,  onward." 

"  March  27,  1848.  —  A  young  person  has  come 
to  me  to-day  for  counsel  and  sympathy.  The  reli- 
gious life  is  dawning  in  her  soul.     Oh !    more  than 

4 


50  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

ever  do  I  feel  that  I  must  be  free  from  sin,  that  I 
may  with  a  purer  fire  kindle  the  sacred  flame  of 
holy  desire  in  this  heart,  which  looks  to  me,  and  is 
open  to  my  influence.  That  I  may  say  the  word  in 
season  is  my  earnest  prayer.'* 

"June  10,  1842.  —  I  have  again  returned  from 
our  ever-pleasant  Friday-evening  meeting.  My 
heart  has  been  animated  and  encouraged ;  my  ear- 
nest desires  have  been  quickened.  It  was  good  for 
me  to  be  there. 

"  The  remarks  were  upon  the  parable  of  the 
laborers  in  the  vineyard.  Oh,  how  encouraging, 
that  even  those  who  come  at  the  last  hour  will  be 
accepted  !  —  how  encouraging,  not  only  as  showing 
the  long-suffering  mercy  of  our  heavenly  Father 
towards  his  dilatory  creatures,  but  also  encouraging 
to  those  who  are  laboring  for  the  conversion  of 
others !  After  having  labored  all  day,  without  suc- 
ceeding in  bringing  any  to  their  Lord's  service, 
they  need  not  despair ;  for  perhaps,  just  towards 
night,  at  the  eleventh  hour,  they  may  find  some 
willing  to  take  his  yoke  upon  them.  Or,  after 
having  tried,  the  first,  second,  and  thifd  time,  to  win 
the  heart  of  some  friend  to  Christ,  and  tried  in  vain, 
that  very  heart   may   be   ready   to   come   into   his 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  51 

vineyard,  if  they  will  seek  it  still  once  more,  even 
at  the  eleventh  hour. 

"  Oh  that  my  heart  may  be  more  wholly  given  up 
to  the  blessed  work  of  the  Lord ! 

"  Our  pastor  alluded  to  the  subject  of  the  last 
week's  meeting,  and  mentioned  the  case  of  two 
individuals,  —  one  an  old,  and  the  other  a  young 
person ;  the  former  now  on'  a  journey,  and  the  latter 
confined  at  home  by  sickness,  —  who  had  been  so 
impressed  that  night,  that  they  resolved,  before  re- 
tiring to  rest,  that  they  would  lead  a  life  of  prayer. 
Yes,  and  it  was  by  the  same  remarks  that  I  was 
led  to  commence  the  practice  of  gathering  my 
younger  sisters  and  brother  around  me  from  time  to 
time,  to  commend  ourselves  to  God,  to  pray  for  his 
forgiveness,  and  that  he  would  help  us  to  be  loving 
and  faithful  towards  one  another  and  towards  him. 
I  can  truly  say,  the  first  attempts  have  done  me 
good.     Oh,  may  I  persevere  ! " 

In  1841,  Miss  Clapp  became  a  teacher  in 
the  Hancock  Sunday  School  connected  with  the 
Second  Church,  and  soon  after  with  the  How- 
ard Sunday  School  associated  with  the  Pitts- 
street  Chapel.     Her  services  in  both  were  of 


62  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

the  highest  value.  No  one  ever  labored  more 
faithfully,  few  more  successfully,  for  the 
Christian  education  of  the  young.  To  bring 
them  to  Christ  was  the  purpose  nearest  to  her 
heart.  She  regarded  them  as  his  lambs ;  to  be 
taught  in  his  name,  in  his  spirit,  and  for  his 
sake ;  to  be  fed  with  his  trutli,  with  the 
"  sincere  milk  of  the  word,"  —  not  with  the 
teacher's  own  notions,  not  with  the  wisdom  of 
this  world.  From  him  she  received  her  call, 
her  commission  to  teach  them,  and  for  him 
she  taught;  and  not  only  by  the  lessons  of 
the  sabbath,  but  by  her  secret  daily  prayers 
on  their  behalf;  by  conversations  and  prayer 
with  them,  together  or  singly,  at  special  sea- 
sons during  the  week ;  and  by  her  constant 
endeavor  to  sanctify  herself,  that  her  influence 
might  be  pure  and  powerful  upon  them. 

It  was  her  custom  also  to  write  letters  to 
her  young  friends  from  time  to  time,  while 
they  were  under  her  immediate  charge,  and 
after  they  had  left  the  school.  A  large 
number  of  these,  which  have  been   carefully 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  53 

preserved  by  those  to  whom  they  were  ad- 
dressed, have  been  put  into  my  hands.  A 
few  extracts  from  them  will  convey  a  better 
impression,  than  any  words  of  mine,  of  the 
wise  and  elevated  character  and  purely  Chris- 
tian spirit  of  her  instructions.  I  would  venture 
also  to  hope,  that  the  young  persons  under 
whose  eyes  they  pass  may  feel  the  pure  influ- 
ence of  the  spirit  which  they  breathe  ;  and 
that,  associating  the  sentiments  expressed  in 
them  with  the  image  of  a  sister  who  has 
herself  walked  blamelessly  and  triumphantly 
through  the  same  path  of  earthly  duties  and 
temptations  in  which  they  are  now  travelling, 
they  may  be  encouraged  to  live  above  the 
world,  and  to  strive  for  a  crown  of  light.. 

"  Dear  A.,  —  I  would  gladly  comply  with  your 
request  to  write  some  mottoes,  or  something  of  the 
kind,  which  you  could  have  near  you  to  read  occa- 
sionally, which  might  aid  you  in  your  endeavors  to 
attain  a  truly  spiritual  character.  But  how  difficult 
it  is  to  do  this  for  another !  because  we  cannot  know 
the    real  condition  of  each  other's  inw^ard   life.      I 


54  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

hesitate,  therefore,  to  lay  clown  any  rules  or  sugges- 
tions for  you ;  but  if  you  will  accept  a  few  that  I 
have  a  desire  to  remember  and  live  by  myself,  and 
if  they  comfort  you  and  aid  and  strengthen  you  as 
they  have  often  me,  I  shall  not  regi'et  that  I  sent 
them  to  you. 

"First  and  uppermost,  I  would  reahze  the  pro- 
mise of  Jesus,  '  Lo,  I  am  with  you  always.' 

"  Duties  are  mine ;  events,  God's. 

"  Be  anxious  for  nothing,  not  even  your  own 
spiritual  state. 

"  Cast  your  burden,  whatever  it  is,  on  the  Lord. 

"  After  you  have  done  a  good  deed,  forget  it. 

"  Seek  first  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 

"  Let  not  your  left  hand  know  what  your  right 
hand  doeth. 

"  Dare  to  be  thought  singular,  when  you  are  act- 
ing conscientiously. 

"  Seek  not  the  Christian  life  that  you  may  be 
happy,  but  seek  it  because  it  is  God's  will.  Your 
happiness  is  certain  :  but  think  not  too  much  of  that ; 
forget  self. 

"  Do  nothing  to  be  seen  of  others.  Show  piety  at 
home. 

"Bear  and  forbear.  Be  patient  under  difficul- 
ties. 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  55 

"  Do  not  think  too  much  of  the  approbation  of 
others. 

"  Be  true  to  principle  in  little  things  as  well  as 
great. 

"  God  searches  the  heart :  he  desires  truth  in  the 
inward  parts. 

"  Live  for  others. 

"  Do  not  be  afraid  to  look  within :  probe  every 
secret  corner  of  the  heart ;  do  it  prayerfully. 

"  Tremble  when  you  feel  self-satisfied,  lest  there 
be  some  spiritual  pride. 

"  Don't  feel  elated  when  you  are  praised :  God 
only  knows  the  heart. 

"  Having  consecrated  yourself,  believe  that  you 
are  accepted. 

"  If  the  burden  of  sin  or  imperfections  depresses 
your  spirit,  go  right  to  the  fountain  of  holiness,  and 
*  wash  and  be  clean.' 

"  Lord,  I  believe :  help  my  unbelief 

"  If  we  had  no  dear  Redeemer,  what  a  load  we 
should  have  to  carry  !  *  I'll  drop  my  burden  at  his 
feet,  and  bear  a  song  away.' 

"  Lead  the  young  to  Christ. 

"  Smile  upon  and  speak  to  the  poor  and  neglected, 
not  patronizingly,  but  as  to  children  of 'our  Father.' 

"  Pray  much  in  secret :  pray  with  and  for  others. 


56  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

"Watch  for   opportunities   to   communicate    the 

religious  life  to  others. 

"  Examine  yourself,  your  motives  to  action,  every 

night. 

"  Be  pure  in  heart.     Live  by  the  moment, 

"  Lord,-  what  wouldst  thou  have  me  to  do  now  f 

"  Act   conscientiously.      Seek  not  honor  one  of 

another. 

"  Crucify  thyself.     Take  up  thy  cross  daily, 

"  Well,  A.,  I  might  go  on  for  some  time :  but  I  will 
add  no  more  ;  for  no  doubt  they  are  familiar  to  you. 
But  they  often  pass  before  my  mind,  and  it  is  a  strong 
desire  of  my  heart  to  live  according  to  them.  By 
these,  and  others  of  a  similar  nature,  am  I  constantly 
judging  myself.  May  they  meet  the  wants  of  my 
dear  sabbath-school  pupil ! 

"  Yours  truly, 

"  Maria  E.C.'V 

How  could  there  be  crowded  into  so  sliort- 
a  space  more  Christian  truth    and  wisdom  ? 
What  a  familiarity  these  maxims,  written  from 
mqmory,   show  with  the  purest  fountains  of 
spiritual  knowledge,  with  the  highest  aspira- 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  57 

tions  of  the  Christian  life !  Can  you  not  judge 
from  such  counsels  somewhat  of  the  value  of 
the  services  of  the  writer  to  the  young  and 
to  the  church? 

The  letters  which  follow  were  written  at 
different  periods  ai>d  to  different  individuals. 

"  My  dear  C,  —  It  has  been  my  practice  to 
address  a  few  lines  to  those  I  hold  so  dear,  —  the 
members  of  my  sabbath  class,  —  at  the  commence- 
ment of  each  new  year.  You  have  recently  become 
a  member.  I  cordially  welcome  you,  and  trust  that 
the  pleasant  tie  now  formed  between  us  may  never 
be  sundered.  Will  it  not  be  pleasant  to  meet  each 
sabbath,  and,  in  friendly  confidence,  express  to  each 
other  our  desires  for  improvement,  converse  upon 
the  precious  truths  of  the  gospel,  and,  hand  in  hand, 
walk  onward  and  upward  in  the  path  that  will  lead 
us  to  '  our  Father '  ?  It  is  my  desire,  C,  so  to  gain 
the  confidence  and  love  of  my  pupils,  that  they  will 
express  to  me  their  thoughts  freely,  and  feel  towards 
me  as  to  an  elder  sister.  I  look  upon  you  as 
immortal  spirits,  destined  for  a  higher  state  of  exist- 
ence. With  this  in  view,  it  is  my  aim  not  only  to 
explain  each  lesson  so  that  you  may  increase  in 
intellectual  knowledge,  but  I  more  than -all  desire 


58  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

that  each  of  you  may  become  *  followers  of  God  as 
dear  children.'  The  New  Year  dawns  upon  us  :  not 
a  stain  has  yet  sullied  its  record.  Let  its  first  hours 
find  us  resolving,  that  now,  in  the  freshness  and 
bloom  of  youth,  we  will  endeavor  to  give  our  bright- 
est and  happiest  hours  to  Him  who  said,  *  Those 
who  seek  me  early  shall  find  me.'  I  know  from 
experience  how  much  pleasure  even  a  child  can 
enjoy  in  seeking  *  the  Father,'  and  in  trying  to  do 
his  will.  May  God  bless  you,  and  incline  you  to 
love  him! 

"  Accept  this  httle  book.  It  is  written  by  Miss 
Dix,  —  a  lady  who  imitates  her  Saviour  by  going 
about  doing  good.  You,  no  doubt,  have  heard  of  her : 
she  is  a  choice  spirit. 

"  I  sincerely  wish  you  a  *  happy  New  Year.* 
"  Yours  in  love, 

"  Maria  E.  Clapp." 

"My  dear  H.,  —  I  returned  from  my  pleasant 
visit  to  the  country  Friday  evening,  and  found  on 
the  table  a  letter  from  my  dear  pupil,  which  I  have 
read  with  the  deepest  interest.  I  thank  you  for 
writing,  and  for  the  expression  of  your  religious 
emotions.  Your  experience,  my  dear  pupil,  is  what 
many  have  passed  through.  As  a  little  child,  when 
it  first  begins  to  walk,  leans  upon  its  mother ;  so,  H., 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  59 

if  we  would  lead  a  Christian  life,  we  must  lean  upon 
Christ.  I  know  you  do  desire  to  please  God,  and  to 
be  his  dear  child.  May  you  cherish  your  present 
religious  convictions !  They  are  the  workings  of 
God's  Spirit  within  you  :  only  obey  its  promptings. 
I  can  understand  your  feelings  with  regard  to  uniting 
with  the  church ;  but,  Hattie,  don't  allow  them  to 
influence  you.  Give  your  prayerful  attention  to  the 
thought,  that  it  is  because  you  feel  sinful,  and  apt 
to  fall  into  temptation ;  that  it  is  because  you  are 
young,  and  have  no  strength  of  your  own  ;  that  it  is 
because  of  these  very  things  your  Saviour  has  pro- 
mised to  be  all-sufficient  for  you.  You  are  in  the 
right  state  when  you  feel  your  sinfulness.  None 
ever  truly  come  to  Jesus  until  they  see  how  sinful 
they  are.  The  well  do  not  need  a  physician,  but  the 
sich.  The  members  of  a  Christian  church  are  those 
who  have  turned  to  Christ  as  the  physician  of  their 
sin-sick  souls.  How  few  realize  this !  Oh  that  our 
Saviour,  who  is  standing  with  his  arms  of  love  to 
heal  and  bless,  might  receive  more  of  the  lambs  of 
his  flock,  to  shield  them  from  the  temptations  that 
are  around  and  within  them !  I  wish  to  write  more, 
but  have  not  been  well  the  last  day  or  two. 
"  With  love  and  interest,  your  teacher, 

«  Maria  E.  C." 


60  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

"Jan.  1. 

"  To  MY  Class.  —  My  dear  girls,  accept  my 
heartfelt  thanks  for  the  valuable  token  of  your  love 
which  I  received  this  morning.  I  was  dehghted  not 
only  with  the  book,  but  because  I  was  remembered 
by  you,  and  because  I  saw  in  the  list  of  names  some 
who  no  longer  are  able  to  meet  with  our  class  on  the 
sabbath ;  proving  to  me  that  they  still  have  a  place 
in  their  affections  for  me.  I  shall  place  it  among 
my  choicest  treasures :  it  will  awaken  many  tender 
recollections  of  the  past  and  present  members  of  my 
class  in  the  Hancock  Sunday  School. 

"Oh,  how  I  should  like  to  meet  you  all  once 
more  together !  for  some  of  my  happiest  seasons 
have  been  passed  with  you  in  conversation  upon  sub- 
jects connected  with  our  spiritual  interests. 

"  To  the  past  members,  all  of  whom  have  made 
a  consecration  of  themselves  to  our  dear  Redeemer, 
let  me  say.  Go  on,  dear  girls,  in  every  Christian 
grace;  be  not  weary;  struggle  on.  ^Nearer,  still 
nearer  to  Christ,'  be  your  continual  motto. 

"  And  to  you,  my  loved  ones,  who  are  still  with 
me,  some  of  whom  have  made  choice  of  the  Chris- 
tian life,  and  some  of  whom,  I  believe,  are  almost 
persuaded  to  yield  their  wills  to  the  will  of  God,  let 
me  say,  Onward!  onward!     Keep  your  eyes  fixed 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  61 

upon  Jesus:   he  is  ever  near  to  you.     In  all  your 
struggles  with  temptation,  look  up.     Let  our  motto 
this  year  be,  *Thy  will  be  done.' 
"  A  happy  New  Year  to  all  I 

"Maria  E.  Clapp.'* 

"  Dear  F.,  —  My  warmest  sympathies  are  with 
you,  as  you  are  now  confined  to  your  chamber  with 
sickness.  I  do  not  think  it  well  to  intrude  myself 
into  a  sick-room,  unless  I  can  do  some  good:  so  I 
shall  visit  you  only  through  the  instrumentality  of  a 
short  letter. 

"May  'our  Father's'  presence  abide  with  you, 
and  sweet  and  comforting  thoughts  of  his  love  and 
care  for  you  sustain  and  bless  you ! 

"  What  a  precious  opportunity  does  the  sick-room 
afford  to  rest  ourselves  upon  the  bosom  of  our  dear 
Redeemer !  What  peace  and  quiet  come  over  the 
spirit !  The  world,  with  its  cares,  anxieties,  and  per- 
plexities, shut  out  for  a  season,  the  influences  of  the 
Holy  Spirit  come  over  the  soul  to  purify,  elevate, 
and  bless. 

"  F.,  I  always  love  to  commune  with  you  upon 
spiritual  things,  because  you  seem  ever  willing  and 
desirous  to  converse  with  me  upon  themes  which 
fill  my  own  thoughts.  May  you  be  spared  to  us  all, 
that  we  may  enjoy  from  time  to  time  still  further 


62  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

Christian  interviews  in  the  future!  Do  not  feel 
that  you  are  doing  no  good,  lying  upon  yoiir  sick- 
bed. God  asks  you  to  be  willing  to  wait ;  to  rest 
from  active  labors  a  while ;  to  bear  the  burden  of 
having  your  plans  for  a  season  frustrated.  Are  you 
willing?  Oh,  yes!  I  know  you  are:  God's  ways 
are  best.  I  remember  not  long  since  saying  to  a 
Christian  spirit,  when  I  found  I  must  give  up  even- 
ing meetings  and  one  of  my  classes  in  the  Sunday 
school,  *  Oh,  I  wish  I  could  take  charge  of  my 
class  in  the  Howard  Sunday  School ! '  She  sweetly 
repHed,  *  Maria,  God  can  do  without  your  labors : 
don't  you  think  so?'  I  felt  the  gentle  reproof  of 
that  loved  spirit,  and  said,  '  Oh,  yes !  true,  true :  I 
must  not  regret.  We  must  take  up  whatever  cross 
comes  to  us,  leaving  all  events  in  the  hands  of 
God.' 

"But  I  may  weary  you;  and  I  am  somewhat 
fatigued  to-night :  so  I  will  close  by  wishing  you  a 
return  to  the  enjoyment  of  health,  and  a  good,  good 
night.  "  Yours  truly, 

"Maria  E.G." 

"Jan.  1. 
"  Dear  C,  —  You  know,  that,  a  few  sabbaths 
since,  I  requested  the  members  of  our  class  to  inform 
me  if  they  were  Avilling  to  prepare  themselves   to 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  bd 

become  teachers.  I  have  received  an  affirmative 
reply  from  one,  and,  before  this  letter  is  handed  to 
you,  shall  probably  receive  your  answer.  I  antici- 
pate that  your  reply  will  be  the  same. 

"  One  reason,  to  my  mind,  why  there  has  not 
been  more  good  done  in  the  Sunday  school  is 
because  teachers  have  hastily  taken  upon  themselves 
the  office,  without  sufficient  preparation.  It  is,  then, 
my  object  to  aid  you  in  this  work  of  preparation. 
Whenever  you  shall  assume  the  responsibility,  let  it 
be  with  right  views  and  motives :  let  there  be  a 
strong  and  glowing  conviction*  of  the  excellence  and 
importance  of  the  truths  which  you  may  teach.  A 
love  for  knowledge,  and  a  love  to  impart  it,  must  first 
be  felt  by  yourself:  the  aspirations  which  you  would 
kindle  up  in  the  minds  of  your  pupils  must  first  be 
'felt  in  your  own  mind.  You  must  be  what  you  teach. 
Much  patience  and  perseverance  will  be  necessary. 
I  want  you  to  count  the  cost.  It  will  not  be  enough 
that  you  have  acquired  a  certain  amount  of  head- 
knowledge,  and  can  clothe  your  thoughts  in  beautiful 
language.  Your  own  character  must  give  weight 
to  your  instructions.  Your  example  will  ever  speak 
louder  than  your  words.  If  ever  I  feel  the  need  of 
living  a  perfect  life,  I  feel  it  doubly  in  the  relation  I 
sustain  as  teacher. 


64  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

"  Will  there  not  be  an  additional  attraction  for 
the  Sunday  school,  this  year,  to  my  young  pupils,  in 
the  feeling  that  you  have  something  to  hve  for,  and 
that  every  step  you  take  in  the  Christian  life,  every 
religious  truth  made  clear  to  your  own  mind,  is  fit- 
ting you  to  become  a  guide  to  those  whose  minds  ai-e 
yet  unformed  ? 

"  I  thank  you  for  the  attention  you  have  given  me 
the  past  year.  Our  connection  in  the  sabbath-class 
has  been,  thus  far,  happy.  Let  us  endeavor,  this 
year,  to  '  increase  in  wisdom,  and  in  favor  with  God 
and  man.' 

"  I  wish  yourself  and  family  a  happy  New  Year. 
"  Yours  truly, 

"Maria  Elizabeth  Clapp." 

"  My  dear  C,  —  The  many  engagements  of ' 
Anniversary  Week  have  so  occupied  my  thoughts, 
that  I  have  not,  as  I  intended,  had  time  to  express 
a  few  parting  words  of  counsel,  as  you  leave  my 
class  to  assume  the  sacred  office  of  teacher.  I 
must,  however,  hastily  utter  the  earnest  wish,  that 
you  may  be  instrumental  in  leading  the  lambs  of 
the  flock  to  the  fold  of  the  Good  Shepherd.  You 
have  consecrated  yourself  to  him :  oh  !  C,  draw 
the  little  childi*en,  who  will  now  be  placed  under 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  6B 

your  guidance,  to  the  Saviour.  Don't  go  to  them 
merely  to  hear  them  recite  their  lessons,  but  make 
those  lessons  the  subject  of  conversation ;  draw  out 
their  thoughts  by  asking  famiharly  all  they  have 
done  through  the  week  ;  talk  to  them  of  Jesus ;  make 
them  Christ-like.  C,  a  little  child  may  be  a  disciple 
of  Christ :  may  this  be  the  aim  of  all  your  instruc- 
tions !  Let  the  hour  you  spend  with  your  class  be 
consecrated  to  this  one  object. 

"  Go  in  faithf  my  dear  pupil,  to  impart  spiritual 
food,  A  great  work  is  before  you  ;  but  don't  shrink 
from  it.  You  are  now  to  help  prepare  immortal 
souls  for  immortahty.  Feed  yourself  continually 
upon  the  '  bread  of  life,'  and  then  an  influence  shall 
go  forth  from  you  to  bless  them. 

"You  will  find  some  teachers  who  spend  the 
hour  in  amusing  their  class  by  reading,  or  telling 
stories.  These  things  are  good  in  their  places  ;  but 
the  sabbath-hour  and  the  sabbath-school  teacher 
should  be  devoted  to  thoughts  of  God,  of  the  soul, 
and  of  heaven. 

"  Go  to  them  fresh  every  sabbath  from  your 
closet;  devote  a  portion  of  every  week  to  a  pre- 
paration for  the  Sunday's  interview  with  your 
class ;  bring  before  your  mind  each  member  of 
your  class ;  select  the  thoughts  you  intend  for  this 

5 


66  PORTRAIT  OP  A 

or  that  one ;  ask  God  to  help  you  to  say  the  right 
word  at  the  right  time ;  seek  the  guidance  of  the 
Holy  Spirit ;  let  the  hour  of  preparation  be  an  hour 
of  self-examination. 

"  Oh,  how  much  more  have  I  upon  my  mind  to 
say  to  you !  But  you  know  my  thoughts  upon  this 
subject.  I  will  trust  that  your  desire  to  do  good, 
and  your  gratitude  to  Jesus,  w^ill  prompt  you  in  your 
efforts  as  a  Sunday-school  teacher. 

"  And,  now,  must  I  say  to  one  who  has  so  long 
been  with  me,  *  Good-hy '  ?  To  one  who  has  so 
many  years  been  my  pupil,  and  with  whom  I  have 
enjoyed  such  freedom  of  spiritual  communion,  must 
I  say,  *  Good-by '  ?  Yes,  to-day  the  relation  of 
teacher  and  pupil  is  severed.  I  shall  see  you  ;  but 
our  spirits  will  not  have  that  close  intercourse  we 
have  hitherto  enjoyed.  Shall  our  hearts,  therefore, 
be  sad  ?  No^  no  ;  for  my  pupil  has  left,  that  she 
may  be  a  laborer  with  me  in  the  vineyard  of  the 
Lord.  Go,  C. :  the  prayers  of  my  heart  are  for 
you.  "Maria  Elizabeth  Clapp." 

"  Sunday  Eve,  Feb.  28,  1846. 
• "  Friend  L*.,  —  Allow   me   to   express    a    few 
thoughts  suggested  by  your  reply  to  the  remark  I 
made  at  the   close  of   church   this   afternoon,   *  / 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  67 

wish  I  was.*  Yes,  I  know  it  was  your  desire  to 
stay,  and  spend  an  hour  in  communion  with  that 
loved  Saviour  who  saith  to  all^  '  Come;*  who 
stands  and  knocks  at  the  door  of  every  heart;  and 
has  promised,  '  If  we  will  but  open  to  him,  he  will 
come  in  and  sup  with  us,  and  we  with  him.'  You 
did  stop,  and  no  doubt  your  thoughts  were  in 
sympathy  with  ours ;  and,  in  the  silence  of  your  me- 
ditations at  that  hallowed  scene,  did  not  your  '  heart 
burn  within  you'  to  draw  nearer  in  .closer  sym- 
pathy with  that  band?  I  know  you  will  answer, 
'  Yes.'  Perhaps,  also,  you  will  say,  *  But  I  feel 
unworthy :  I  do  not  think  I  am  a  Christian.'  If  so, 
I  would  ask.  Who  is  worthy  ?  Alas,  how  few ! 
It  is  because  of  my  unworthiness  that  I  feel  the 
need  of  a  Saviour's  love.  Often,  as  I  have  felt 
depressed  and  cast  down  by  a  consciousness  of  my 
sins,  have  I  felt  encouraged  and  strengthened  when 
I  have  thought  of  *  Him  who  is  able  to  save  to  the 
uttermost.'  I  have  often  felt,  as  I  have  seen  that 
table  spread  from  month  to  month,  that  there  were 
better  and  more  devoted  followers  of  Christ  than 
myself,  who  turned  away  because  they  felt  they 
were  not  quite  good  enough.  So  might  I  have 
waited,  and  have  lost  the  comfort,  consolation, 
peace,  and  happiness  which  I  have  enjoyed   since 


68  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

I  became  a  foltower  of  Jesus.  Never  shall  I  re- 
gret that  I  united  with  the  church  of  Christ:  it 
has  been  with  me  the  happiest  portion  of  my  life. 
I  long  to  have  every  one  enjoy  the  privilege  of  the 
season  of  communion;  and  especially  the  young 
would  I  encourage  to  come  in  the  spring-time  of 
life,  while  the  affections  are  warm,  before  the 
world  gains  too  much  of  their  thoughts.  Dear 
L.,  may  I  not  ask  you  to  come?  Yes,  I  will. 
Never,  while  I  see  the  least  spark  of  Christian 
interest  in  a  friend,  will  I  go  on  my  way  enjoying 
these  spiritual  privileges  myself,  without  endeavor- 
ing to  make  that  friend  a  partaker  at  that  'feast 
of  love.'  I  would  not  have  any  be  hasty;  but 
there  is  often  danger  of  waiting  too  long.  Is  it 
not  the  desire  of  your  heart  to  be  a  Christian? 
Then  why  not  use  every  means  in  your  power? 
Be  assured,  there  is  no  solid  happiness  short  of  our 
whole  duty.  Think  of  these  things,  dear  friend; 
and  may  God  enable  you,  ere  long,  to  devote  your 
whole  life  and  every  act  of  life  to  the  Saviour,  wlio 
has  laid  down  his  life  for  the  world !  Forgive,  if  I 
have  spoken  too  earnestly  ;  I  will  not  say  abruptly, 
because  I  have  endeavored  to  learn  your  feelings, 
and  know  you  will  receive  all  in  the  same  spirit 
which  has  prompted  me  to  write.     My  heart  shall 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  69 

ever  be  ready  to  sympathize  with  and  encourage 
you  as  much  as  lies  in  my  power.  Let  us  throw 
away  all  restraint,  and  converse  freely  as  Christians. 
*  Perfect  love  casteth  out  fear.'     Adieu  ! 

"  Your  friend,  M.  E.  C." 


Miss  Clapp  neither  taught  nor  recommended 
any  thing  which  she  did  not  most  faithfully 
practise.  The  secret  of  her  powerful  influence 
over  her  pupils  was  her  evident  earnestness 
in  learning  the  highest  lessons  which  she 
taught.  When  she  spoke  to  them  of  the  Sa- 
viour, it  was  with  such  an  expression  of 
blended  reverence  and  love  as  if  she  were 
actually  looking  up  into  his  adorable  face ; 
when  she  repeated  his  precepts,  it  was  as  if 
she  were  sitting  down  at  his  feet,  taking  every 
word  from  his  divine  lips  into  her  own  heart 
before  giving  it  to  them. 

She  was  an  ever-active  though  modest  and 
unostentatious  minister  of  charity,  leading  her 


70  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

scholars  bj  her  own  hand  in  paths  of  Christian 
beneficence  as  well  as  of  piety.  The  hours 
which  others  would  have  given  to  recreation 
—  the  few  intervals  of  leisure  which  her  daily 
avocation  allowed  —  were  generally  devoted  to 
visiting  the  poor  and  the  sick.  In  my  pastoral 
walks  among  the  destitute,  it  was  no  unusual 
thing  to  find  her  sitting  by  the  bedside  of  the 
aged  and  the  suffering,  with  the  Bible  or 
Hymn-book  in  her  hand,  from  which  she  had 
been  reading ;  a  bunch  of  flowers,  or  some 
little  luxury  which  she  had  brought,  lying 
upon  the  table ;  and  every  thing  in  the  rude 
apartment  giving  evidence  tliat  a  neat  and 
skilful  hand  had  been  recently  at  work. 
Sometimes  she  would  take  one  or  two  of  her 
young  friends  with  her  to  introduce  them  to 
the  Christian  duties  of  visiting  the  widow 
and  the  lonely,  as  well  as  to  cheer  the  desolate 
with  their  pleasant  company  or  their  sacred 
songs. 

From  about  her  twentieth  year  till  a  few 
months  before  her  death,  Miss  Clapp  was  en- 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  71 

gaged  in  teaching,  first  in  a  private  school, 
and  afterwards  in  one  of  the  primary  schools 
of  the  city.  The  latter,  though  more  labo- 
rious, and  to  most  persons  less  inviting,  was  to 
her  peculiarly  attractive.  When  her  friends 
sometimes  expressed  their  surprise,  that,  with 
her  delicate  health  and  pure  tastes,  she  could 
be  content  to  submit  to  the  drudgery  incident 
to  a  large  school  of  children  of  the  rudest 
class,  she  w^as  accustomed  to  reply,  "  I  think 
a  Christian  should  consider  it  a  duty  _  and  a 
pleasure  to  do  good  to  those  who  need  it  the 
most.  I  love  to  find  Christ's  jewels,  as  I  often 
do,  amongst  those  whose  exterior  is  the  least 
interesting.  When  I  have  washed  and  clothed 
them,  and  taught  them  a  few  good  lessons, 
and  drawn  out  their  love,  some  of  the  rough- 
est-looking and  most  untidy  often  come  out 
bright  and  sweet." 

.  She  governed  them  by  love ;  for  she  really 
loved  them.  For  many  of  them  she  made 
clothing,  or  provided  it ;  and  for  each  one,  at 
Christmas,   had   some   useful   or  comfortable 


72  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

gift,  the  work  of  her  own  fingers.  Their  little 
foreign  names  were  often  on  her  lips  at  home. 
"  Biddy  "  and  "  Maggy  "  were  mentioned  witli 
as  much  interest  and  treated  with  as  much 
affection  as  if  they  were  the  fair  and  favored 
children  wlio  come  from  their  mothers'  hands 
looking  so  neat  and  wholesome  that  you  can- 
not help  taking  them  to  your  heart.  When 
told  that  she  was  wearing  herself  out  by  the 
additional  labor  of  controlling  them  without 
seventy,  and  advised  to  adopt  punishment  as 
a  help,  her  noble  answer  was,  "  When  I  am 
too  weak  in  body  and  mind  to  govern  them 
without  bodily  chastisement,  I  shall  give  up 
their  charge  altogether." 

As  I  was  turning  over  some  of  her  loose 
papers,  a  very  small  folded  letter,  not  two 
inches  square,  attracted  my  attention.  The 
paper  was  poor  and  soiled ;  the  superscription 
irregularly  written,  and  incorrectly  spelled. 
It  was  addressed  to  "  l^iss  Clapp,  Teacher  of 
the  Primary  School,  Merrimack  Street,  Bos- 
ton."    On  opening  it,  I  found  the  only  record. 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  73 

amongst  all  the  manuscripts  left  by  our  friend, 
of  those  days  and  years  of  devoted  labor  and 
unwearied  kindness  which  were  spent  in  that 
little  schoolroom,  in  which  she  wore  out  a 
precious  life,  and  performed  an  inestimable 
service  to  her  generation.  It  is,  indeed,  a 
very  humble  memorial ;  but  it  is  none  the 
less  affecting  and  significant,  inscribed  as  it 
is  by  the  unskilful  hand  of  an  unlettered  but 
honest  woman,  who,  in  speaking  from  her  own 
heart,  represented  the  gratitude  of  many  poor 
mothers  who  could  not  write  their  thanks. 
With  the  exception  of  the  spelling,  and  one  or 
two  grammatical  errors,  which  I  have  cor- 
rected, the  following  is  a  copy  of  the  letter  :  — 

"  Boston,  Nov.  29,  1853. 
"  Miss  Clapp,  —  I  am  very  much  obliged  to  you 
for  your  kindness  to  Andrew ;  but  there  is  a  place 
above  us,  where  the  Lord  will  reward  you  for  your 
humanity,  and  the  good  instructions  you  give  to  the 
youth  that  are  placed  under  your  charge.  May 
the  Lord  bless  you,  shall  be  always  the  prayer  of 
your  humble  friend,  &c.,  "M.  Welch." 


74  PORTRAIT  OF  A 


CHAPTER    ly. 

Christian  Friendship.     Correspondence  with  L. 

Christian  history,  though  stained  with  the 
frequent  record  of  controversy,  is*  brightened 
by  many  a  charming  picture  of  pure  and 
devoted  friendship.  If*  we  are*  prompted  to 
cultivate  friendly  alliances  by  our  natural  in- 
stincts and  our  mortal  needs,  we  are  urged 
still  more  earnestly  by  our  Christian  sym- 
pathies and  our  spiritual  wants.  Like  fellow- 
countrymen  in  a  foreign  land,  spirits  that  feel 
themselves  to  be  strangers  on  the  earth  seek 
and  cling  to  each  other.  As  the  essence  of 
Christianity  is  love,  so  its  impulse  is  ever 
towards  communion.  It  is  a  mistake  to  sup- 
pose, that,  because  the  Christian  spirit  extends 
and  diffuses  our  affections,  it  must  therefore 
diminish  their  intensity  ;  that,  in  order  to  love 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  75 

all  men  more,  we  must  love  the  one  or  the 
few  less  warmly.  The  wider  our  sympathies 
spread,  the  warmer  they  grow :  the  farther 
they  stretch  their  tendrils  towards  remote  ob- 
jects, the  closer  they  clasp  those  that  are  near. 
The  heart  whose  glow  does  not  warm  those 
who  are  nearest  has  not  heat  enough  for  a 
wide  radiation  :  he  who  has  no  strong  affection 
for  individuals  has  not  sufficient  capacity  of 
affection  for  universal  benevolence.  It  is 
among  the  most  precious  evidences  of  the 
depth  and  fulness  of  the  Redeemer's  com- 
passion towards  our  whole  race,  that  John  was 
the  disciple  of  his  bosom,  and  that  he  loved 
Martha  and  Mary  and  Lazarus. 

Almost  every  Christian  has  a  bosom-friend. 
It  was  so  with  her  of  whom  I  am  writing. 
There  were  several  whose  society  was  pleasant 
to  her,  and  with  whom  she  delighted  to  con- 
verse on  sacred  themes ;  but  there  was  one,  of 
her  own  sex,  and  not  far  from  her  own  age, 
who  was  nearer  to  her  than  all  the  rest.  With 
her  she  held  almost  daily  communion  ;  to  her 


76  PORTRAIT   OP  A 

she  revealed  the  inmost  feelings  of  her  heart. 
This  friend  she  had  first  been  led  to  love  by 
her  efforts  to  lead  her  to  Christ.  In  these 
endeavors  she  had  been  successful ;  and  the 
result  was  that  close  intimacy  which  continued 
for  many  years,  without  a  moment's  interrup- 
tion or  the  slightest  jar,  till  her  death.  The 
friendship  that  subsisted  between  them  was 
like  that  between  Naomi  and  Ruth,  with  the 
addition  of  still  another  element,  —  a  mutual 
devotion  to  the  Saviour ;  a  mutual  daily 
draught,  as  out  of  one  cup,  of  the  living  water 
which  he  giveth  ;  that  "  agreement  as  to  what 
they  should  ask  of  the  Father  in  his  name  "  to 
which  he  encouraged  his  disciples,  two  and 
two,  by  precious  promises. 

It  was  the  custom  of  these  friends,  both  of 
whom  were  teachers  in  primary  schools,  and 
whose  paths  crossed  on  the  way  to  their 
separate  posts  of  duty,  to  exchange  notes  as 
they  passed  each  other,  containing  a  few 
morning  thoughts,  or  a  word  of  Christian 
salutation    and   encouragement.      A  few   of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  77 

these,  written  by  Miss  Clapp  in  pencil,  and 
generally  on  scraps  of  paper,  have  been 
preserved,  and  put  into  my  hands,  by  the  sur- 
viving friend,  with  permission  to  print  them, 
together  with  two  or  three  longer  letters  to 
the  same  person.  They  are  not  published  be- 
cause of  any  thing  particularly  striking  in 
them,  but  as  pleasant  memorials  and  illustra- 
tions of  a  friendship  which  blossomed  daily, 
and  of  a  piety  which  every  morning  put  forth 
a  new  flower,  glistening  with  a  fresh  dewdrop 
from  heaven. 

"  May,  1846. 
"  Dear  L.,  —  I  have  been  thinking  of  our 
pleasant  interview  as  we  walked  from  church. 
Though  few  words  passed  between  us,  yet  were  we 
not  united  in  thought?  Did  not  our  spirits  sym- 
pathize? Yes,  they  did.  One  feeling  has  been 
uppermost  with  me  since  we  parted,  —  a  regret  that 
I  did  not  urge  you  not  to  delay  until  the  next  month 
to  come  forward  as  an  open  follower  of  Christ ;  for 
your  own  truest  happiness ;  for  that  peace  of  mind 
which  cannot  wholly  be  yours  until  you  do  actually 
come  to  Christ,  and  enter  into  a  holy  covenant  with 


78  PORTRAIT  OF  A 

him  in  the  appointed  way.  I  would  say,  from  the 
experience  I  have  had  of  your  state  of  mind, '  Come 
now ;  for  all  things  are  ready.'  Do  you  intend  to 
devote  yourself  to  Christ  ?  Now  is  the  best  and  only 
time.  Only  have  faith  to  believe  that  he  is  willing 
to  accept  and  receive  you  just  as  you  are.  Do  not 
wait  for  another  month  to  find  you  better  prepared : 
be  assured,  you  will  then  see  yourself  in  the  same 
light  as  now.  Oh  !  L.,  could  you  but  know  the  hap- 
piness I  have  felt  since  I  united  with  that  band 
(though  there  is  no  virtue  in  the  mere  outward  act)  ; 
the  inward  strength  I  have  received  ;  the  calm,  sub- 
duing influences  of  those  seasons  of  communion, — 
you  would,  with  me,  watch  for  every  opportunity  to 
win  and  encourage  every  one  who  has  the  least, 
spark  of  heavenly  hope  and  love.  Far  be  it  from 
me  to  urge  one,  who  has  had  no  experience  of  the 
burden  of  sin,  no  yearning  for  a  Saviour,  no  heart- 
felt repentance,  to  make  a  confession  of  discipleship : 
that  would  be  mockery.  But,  L.,  have  you  not 
already,  in  secret,  dedicated  yourself  to  God?  Do 
you  not  love  him  ?  Is '  it  not  your  desire  to  live 
to  him?  Then  use  every  means;  cast  aside  the 
thought  of  others;  all  your  fears  and  doubts  lest 
you  should  not  succeed.  Live  by  the  hour  for  God. 
Spend  this  hour  for  him  and  in  him ;  and,  the  next 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  .  79 

hour,  pray  for  strength  to  do  the  same.  Life  is  com- 
posed of  hours,  of  inconspicuous  opportunities,  of 
present  acts,  of  instant  determinations.  The  spirit 
and  motive  which  prompt  us  to  act  are.  of  more 
importance  than  the  act  itself  Our  right  choice  at 
any  moment  is  of  more  consequence  than  the  highest 
deferred  undertaking.  Where  we  put  ourselves 
now,  we  shall  be  found  the  next  hour,  whether, 
when  that  hour  comes,  it  brings  health  or  sickness, 
life  or  death.  Let  u%  put  ourselves  now  where  we 
would  be  found  of  God,  that  we  may  be  found  of 
him  in  peace. 

"  I  would  write  more,  but  have  not  time.  My 
earnest  prayer  is  that  God  would  enable  you  this 
night  to  decide.  Decide  with  heartiness  for  Christ, 
only  and  wholly  for  Christ;  and  then  go  to  sleep, 
dear  friend,  where  you  have  laid  yourself,  —  on  his 
'bosom. 

"  Your  friend  and  sister, 

«  Maria." 

"July  27, 1845. 
"  Dear  L.,  —  The   sweet,  the   solemn   hour  is 
past !     You  now  have  devoted  yourself  to  God  ;  you 
have -received  upon  your  forehead  the  waters  of  bap- 
tism ;  have  reached  forth  your  hand,  and  partaken  of 


80  .    .  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

the  emblems  of  your  Saviour's  broken  body,  and 
of  his  blood  poured  out  for  you.  Oh !  did  not  your 
heart  burn  within  you  with  ardent  longings  to 
become  his  faithful,  devoted  disciple?  Would  you 
exchange  the  feelings  yoji  have  had  to-day  for  any 
thing  the  world  calls  happiness  ?  I  know  you  would 
not.  Such  will  ever  be  your  peace  of  mind,  if  you 
are  watchful.  If  I  know  you  aright,  you  are  not  one 
of  those  who  think,  because  you  are  united  to  the 
church,  therefore  you  are  a  CBristian.  The  sweet 
converse  we  have  held  from  time  to  time  has  con- 
vinced me  that  it  is  your  earnest,  sincere  purpose  to 
become  such  :  and,  like  myself,  you  are  beginning ; 
yes,  every  day  beginning.  I  would  say  to  you,  then. 
Be  never  discouraged ;  aim  high ;  be  content  with 
nothing  short  of  the  whole  Christian  character.  Let 
no  earthly  being  be  your  standard  of  excellence :  be 
a  disciple  of  Christ,  Oh,  how  much  is  contained  in 
that  word  disciple  ! 

"I  need  not  tell  you  how  much  I  sympathize 
with  you  at  this  time.  Be  assured,  I  shall  ever  love 
to  aid  you  all  in  my  power ;  and  I  know  you  will, 
in  return,  aid  me.  The  Christian  path  is  not  all 
smooth :  there  are  trials  and  temptations  to  encoun- 
ter, —  conflicts  within  and  without.  But  there  ai^e 
also  sweet  and  sacred  pleasures,  —  deai*  companions 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  81 

on  earth,  and  saintly  witnesses  and  friends  in  heaven ; 
the  happiness  arising  from  a  heart  at  peace.  The 
hidden  joys  of  the  Christian  are,  indeed,  many 
and  real.  May  we  walk  together  in  that  true  and 
hearenly  road !  May  it  be  our  earnest  purpose  to 
follow  Christ  to  the  end !  May  we  daily  and  hourly 
remember  him  and  cling  to  him,  drink  in  his  spirit, 
and  rest  in  his  bosom !  And  now,  that  the  impres- 
sions of  this  solemn  hour  may  have  an  influence 
upon  your  whole  future  life,  and  that  you  may  be  a 
Christian  indeed,  is  the  heartfelt  prayer  of  sister  . 

"M.  E.  C." 

"  I  am  always  ready,  dear  Lucy,  to  join  in  con- 
verse with  Christian  friends,  but  more  especially 
with  the  chosen,  the  beloved  of  those  friends.  Life, 
within  the  past  few  months,  has  convinced  me,  more 
than  ever,  that  nothing  earthly  can  give  abiding 
peace.  I  have  been  peculiai'ly  exercised ;  and  was 
determined,  before  I  went  to  rest  last  night,  to  wres- 
tle with  the  angel  until  he  blessed  me.  Oh !  there  is 
nothing  like  secret  prayer :  it  is  the  oil  of  the  soul. 
Retirement  and  ,  self-communion  do  more  for  the 
soul  than  social  intercourse ;  but  then  we  must  come 
down  from  the  mount  that  we  may  win  others. 
God  grant  us  the  living  power !  A  happy  day  to 
you !  «  Maria." 


82  PORTBAIT   OF  A 

"  Dear  L.,  —  AU  for  Christ  to-day.  Oh  for  a 
deeper  baptism  of  the  Holy  Spirit !  I  would  that 
nothing  might  distract  my  thoughts  from  spiritual 
things !  Oh,  L.,  this  hidden  life,  —  how  much  more 
real  it  is  than  the  outward  !  *  We  live  in  the  spirit : 
let  us  walk  in  the  spirit.' 

"  God  bless  you  in  all  your  thoughts  and  efforts 
to  minister  to  the  spiritual  wants  of  others  to-day ! 
*In  remembrance  of  Christ'  I  would  utter  every 
thought ;  and  then,  through  me,  all  unworthy  as  I  am, 
shall  his  voice  be  heard  speaking  to  the  souls  of  those 
I  would  instruct  to-day. 

"  Grace  and  peace  be  with  you ! 

"Maria  Elizabeth." 

"  '  QUIETNESS  AND   CONFIDENCE  ARE  THY   STRENGTH.' 

"  Quiet  as  opposed  to  anxiety  and  fear.  May  this 
quiet  be  ours,  dear  friend  ! 

'  Be  still,  my  heart !  these  anxious  cares 
To  thee  are  burdens,  thorns,  and  snares : 
They  cast  dishonor  on  thy  Lord, 
And  contradict  his  gracious  word.' 

"  Confidence  as  opposed  to  distrust,  to  want  of 
faith  and  hope. 

•  He  who  has  helped  me  hitherto 
Will  help  me  all  my  journey  through.' 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  83 

"  Strengthened,  indeed,  shall  we  be,  if  in  quietness 
and  confidence  we  repose  our  trust  in  Him  who  has 
said,  '  I  will  never  leave  nor  forsake  those  who  put 
their  trust  in  me,  because  they  trust  in  me.' 

"  Oh,  how  much  I  long  to  have  more  faith !  Lord, 
help  thou  mine  unbelief. 

"  These  few  thoughts,  dear  sister,  were  mine  last 
night.  I  send  them  to  you  this  morning.  God  bless 
you,  and  fill  your  soul  with  quietness  and  confidence 
and  love  !  "  Maria." 

"  I  told  you,  dear  L.,  that  I  was  not  satisfied  with 
myself;  and  I  am  not :  but  I  have  prayed  earnestly 
for  help  to  be  and  to  do  what  God  requires  at  the 
present  moment.  '  Now  is  the  accepted  time.'  Oh, 
L. !  my  inward  struggles  are  greater  than  any  one 
knows.  I  long  to  be  wholly  consecrated.  I  know 
not  why,  but,  at  this  season  of  the  year,  I  seem  to  be, 
like  the  prodigal  son,  '  coming  to  myself.'  I  have 
arisen  and  gone  to  my  Father,  and  uttered  my  cry 
for  pardon.  Yes ;  and  I  see  his  outstretched  arms 
ready  to  receive  me.  What  a  constant  struggle  is 
the  true  Christian  life !  What  a  relief  it  is  to  pour 
out  our  hearts  in  confession  of  sin !  how  it  strength- 
ens us  to  resist  it ! 

"When  I  meet  you  to-night,  I  shall  not  be  the 


84  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

anxious,  troubled,  dispirited  friend  from  whom  you 
parted  yesterday.  I  already  feel  that  I  am  renewed, 
—  a  new  creature  again  in  Christ  Jesus.  Yes,  I  am 
full  of  peace.     Oh,  may  it  never  leave  me ! 

"Our  recent   communion   in  secret  leads  me  to 
confide  these  states  of  mind  to  you. 

"Maria." 

"Monday  Morning. 
"  O  my  dear  L. !  I  renounce  all  sin,  as  we  agreed. 
I  consecrate  myself  entirely.      Shall  I,  shall  I,  be 
kept  from  sin  ?     Pray  for  me,  L.     I  long  to  be  free 
from  self,  and  to  be  wholly. one  with  the  Father. 

"  God  bless  you  !    I  want  to  say  more  ;  but . 

May  your  thoughts  be  full  of  peace  in  believing, 
and  may  the  Spirit  abide  with  you ! 

"  Maria." 

"  Sabbath  Morning,  July,  '47. 
"  Dear  L.,  —  What  a  beautiful  morning !  Does 
not  the  heart  of  my  friend,  with  my  own,  ascend  to 
'  our  Father '  in  gratitude  ?  and  is  there  not  a  long- 
ing desire  to  free  ourselves  from  earth-bom  thoughts 
and  cares,  and  to  spend  this  hallowed  season  in  com- 
munion with  the  Father  of  our  spirits  ?  To  you, 
this  day,  no  doubt,  is  doubly  welcome,  because  it 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  85 

recalls  the  hour  of  '  consecration.'  I  rejoice  with 
you ;  for  well  do  I  know  the  emotions  this  anniver- 
sary calls  forth.  Cherish  these  feelings,  dear  sister ; 
and  may  the  peace  and  happiness  you  have  thus  far 
enjoyed  in  the  '  Christian  struggle '  incite  you  to 
renewed  earnestness !  Who  would  be  dilatory  in 
coming  to  the  '  feast  of  love '  this  afternoon,  did 
they  only  know  half  the  comfort  we  have  enjoyed 
while  thinking  of  a  Saviour's  love  ?  It  seems  to  me 
a  sweet  foretaste  of  heaven.  I  feel  this  morning  as 
if  I  could  hardly  restrain  myself  from  crying  aloud 
to  all  I  see,  '  Come,  come,  come  !  Oh !  "  taste  and 
see  that  the  Lord  is  good."  Why  thus  delay  ?  It  is 
not  the  righteous  the  Saviour  calls,  but  sinners,  to 
repentance.'  Oh,  L. !  my  heart  is  full.  I  anticipate 
much  to-day.  I  cannot  allow  thoughts  or  conversa- 
tion of  this  world  to-day.  No:  God,  my  Saviour, 
heaven,  and  the  future,  are  my  themes.  We  are 
now  in  the  sabbath  school :  let  us  be  faithful  to  these 
young  immortals.  God  bless  your  labors!  Good- 
by!  "Maria  Elizabeth." 

"Aug.  6,  1848. 

"  Dear  Sister  L.,  —  I  want  to  express,  from 
a  heart  full  of  Christian  joy,  a  few  words  to  one  of  a 
kindred  spirit.     We  have  often  taken  sweet  counsel 


86  PORTRAIT   OP  A 

together  as  we  have  walked  to  and  from  the  '  house 
of  our  Father.'  How  long  we  may  be  permitted  to 
enjoy  these  seasons,  we  know  not ;  but  of  one  thing 
we  are  sure,  —  that,  when  the  veil  which  separates 
from  the  unseen  and  eternal  shall  for  us  be  drawn 
aside,  we  shall  enjoy  a  communion  of  spirit  of  which 
now  we  have  but  a  foretaste.  L.,  my  desires  have 
been  quickened  to-day.  I  am  resolved  from  this 
moment  to  be  more  vigilant.  When  I  examine 
m.yself,  I  am  ready  to  cry  out,  '  Unclean ! '  and 
despondency  and  gloom  would  be  my  portion,  were 
it  not  for  the  promises  of  Holy  Wiit,  *  Wash,  and  be 
clean ; '  *  Come  unto  me,  ye  who  are  weary  and 
heavy-laden  ; '  'Go  in  peace ; '  &c.  My  feeling  at 
this  moment  is  that  I  would  have  no  desire  or  will 
of  my  own,  but  be  wholly  absorbed  in  the  divine 
will.  At  this  instant,  L.,  my  soul  would  not  dread 
to  hear  the  voice  which  bids  me  render  my  account ; 
because  I  believe,  that,  through  Jesus,  my  sins  shall 
be  blotted  out  from  the  book  of  remembrance.  Oh 
the  joy  and  peace  in  beheving !  *  Lord,  I  believe : 
help  thou  my  unbelief.'  My  thoughts  dwell  much 
upon  the  subject  of  our  morning's  discourse,  —  the 
manifestation  of  the  Saviour  to  those  who  love  him. 
Oh,  may  our  hearts  overflow  in  love ;  and  may  we 
remember  him  in  our  every  act ;  and  may  our  aim 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  87 

be  higher  and  higher,  and  our  motives  purer  and 
purer,  until  we  shall  be  filled  with  the  Spirit, 
and  our  spiritual  eyes  shall  be  so  clear  that  we  may 
see  Him  even  while  we  are  in  the  body !  I  felt  that 
I  might  open  my  heart  again  to  sister  L. 
"  Yours  in  Christian  love, 

"  Maria  Elizabeth." 

"  I  wonder  I  did  not  think  you  had  made  a  mis- 
take, and  given  me  the  wrong  bundle ;  but  I  did  not 
notice  it  was  so  large  until  I  was  untying.it.  '^  Just 
like  L.r  I  exclaimed,  as  soon  as  I  saw  that  it  con- 
tained a  token  of  love. 

"  I  am  at  a  loss  for  words  to  express  my  thanks 
for  the  very  acceptable  gift.  You  remind  me  of  an 
indulgent  parent  who  anticipates  the  smallest  wish  of 
a  much-loved  child.  I  intended  to  purchase  these 
books  very  soon ;  instead  of  which,  an  indulgent 
friend,  who  loves  me  more  than  I  deserve,  antici- 
pates the  intention,  and  sends  them  to  me. 

"  Thank  you,  dear  L.  As  I  read  them,  the  giver 
will  be  in  my  mind.  Oh,  what  a  rich  feast  are  such 
books!  Is  it  not  delightful  to  commune  with 
such  spirits  ?  How  few  can  be  found  in  the  flesh ! 
If  we  seek  the  society  of  such,  they  are  to  be  found 
only  among  the    departed.      We  will  drink  at  the 


88  PORTRAIT   OP   A 

same  *  Living  Fountain/  and  thus  become  of  their 
number. 

"  Oh,  L.,  what  would  I  give  to  feel  that  I  was 
wholly  Christ's ;  that  I  had  the  strength  to  subdue 
these  anxious  fears  that  at  times  imbitter  the  sweet 
cup  of  life !  Well,  this  is  my  cross.  I  will  not  rest 
until  I  can  feel  like  a  little  child,  living  only  in  the 
present  hour.  '  Now  is  the  hour.'  Didn't  we  have 
some  solid  food  yesterday?  Surely  we  don't  feed 
upon  husks  :  we  ought  to  grow ;  and  we  will. 
According  to  our  faith  we  shall  be  made  whole  from 
these  secret  sins.  I  don't  often  open  my  secret  heart 
to  my  friends;  but  it  has  always  been  pleasant  to 
commune  with  you.  None  other  knows  the  secret 
workings  of  my  soul.  Sympathy  of  spirit  unites  us 
to  one  common  Father  and  Saviour.  May  we  be 
drawn  yet  nearer,  nearer,  nearer ! 

"  Keep  up  a  good  heart,  L.,  in  all  your  struggles 
after  the  inward  life.  When  we  are  weak  and  faint- 
ing, the  '  Good  Shepherd '  will  lead  us  by  the  still 
waters  and  green  pastures.  Our  seasons  of  depres- 
sion and  regret  will  give  way  to  a  bright  day  of  sun- 
shine, which  will  seem  brighter  for  the  preceding 
darkness. 

"A  happy  and  successful  day  to  you  in  your 
schoolroom  !     May  your  little  charge  and  mine  be  so 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  89 

moulded  by  us,  that  we  shall  fit  them  not  only  for  a 
higher  school  in  this  world,  but  be  instruments  of 
good  to  them  for  eternity  !     God  bless  you ! 

"  Yours  in  love, 

"Maria  Elizabeth.'* 


90  PORTRAIT   OF  A 


CHAPTER    V. 

Justification  by  Faith,  and  its  blessed  Results. 

A  STRIKING  and  instructive  fact  in  Miss  Clapp's 
experience  was  the  marked  transition  which 
took  place,  at  a  somewhat  advanced  period  of 
her  religious  course,  from  a  state  whose  pre- 
dominant element  was  a  scrupulous  and 
exacting  conscientiousness,  to  a  condition  of 
peace  and  joy  through  faith ;  from  the  toil- 
some and  fruitless  endeavor  after  justification 
by  working  out  a  perfect  righteousness,  to  the 
acceptance  of  justification  through  faith  in 
the  divine  Redeemer. 

Her  early  religious  life  manifested  itself 
chiefly  in  the  form  of  conscientious  obedience. 
Christianity  influenced  her  principally  through 
her  sense  of  duty.  Though  her  affections  also 
were  enlisted  on  behalf  of  her  heavenly  Father 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  91 

and  her  Saviour,  and  though  her  heart  was 
neither  cold  nor  reluctant  towards  spiritual 
things,  yet  it  was  evident  that  religion  acted 
more  powerfully  upon  her  conscience  than 
upon  her  heart. 

J^or  six  or  eight  years  after  her  connection 
with  the  church,  she  could  not  throw  off  the 
burden  of  anxiety  that  constantly  weighed 
upon  her  spirits,  —  a  sense  of  inability  to  sa- 
tisfy entirely  the  demands  of  God's  holy  law. 
Though  occasionally  quite  happy  when  she 
thought  of  the  divine  forgiveness  and  the 
gracious  promises  of  Jesus,  yet  she  could 
never  enjoy  any  real  freedom  of  spirit  or  true 
peace  of  mind,  because  she  could  not  be  con- 
scious of  a  perfect  conformity  in  all  things  to 
the  will  and  requirements  of  God.  *'  I  have 
always  had,"  she  wrote  during  the  period  re- 
ferred to,  "  a  very  tender  conscience.  I  could 
not  be  happy  while  I  was  sensible  of  any  imper- 
fection. Deep  has  been  my  sorrow,  and  most 
severe  my  self-reproach,  at  the  slightest  devia- 
tion from  duty.     My  prayers  have  ascended 


92  PORTRAIT  OF   A 

for  strength  to  do  right ;  but  ever  have  I  felt 
that  something  was  wanting.  When  I  have 
tried  my  best,  I  have  failed ;  and,  because  I 
have  failed,  have  been  unable  to  find  rest.  My 
religion,  I  am  sensible,  has  been  that  of  the 
conscience." 

It  had  indeed;  and  no  one  ever  worked 
harder  to  satisfy  conscience,  or  had  a  more 
sensitive  conscience  to  goad  to  exertion.  How 
scrupulous  it  was,  any  page  of  her  diary  would 
show.  I  will  make  only  a  single  brief  extract, 
partly  to  illustrate  that  change  in  her  feelings 
which  I  desire  to  indicate,  and  partly  also 
because  it  shows,  by  the  acute  grief  she  ex- 
perienced on  account  of  a  sing'le  early  fault, 
how  free  from  faults  her  life  must  have 
been. 

"  How  true  it  is  that  conscience  can  never  forget, 
and  will  never  cease  speaking  ! 

"A  falsehood  I  told  when  about  twelve  years 
old  has  haunted  me  ever  since.  For  these  many 
long  years,  it  has  dwelt  upon  my  mind.  I  have 
often    sought   forgiveness   for   it  of    my   heavenly 


CHBISTIAN  LIFE.  93 

Father,  and  have  truly  repented  that  I  ever  uttered 
it;  but  still  the  memory  of  it  has  ever  disturbed 
me.  Conscience  seemed  to  say  that  something  else 
remained  to  be  done,  —  that  I  must  make  confession 
of  the  sin;  but,  abhorring,  as  I  do,  the  sin,  I 
dreaded  the  shame  of  having  it  known.  And  yet 
I  always  felt  that  it  w-ust  he  known,  if  not  in  this 
world,  in  another;  and  I  have  brought  before  me 
that  day  when  the  secrets  of  the  heart  will  be 
manifest,  —  when  the  book  of  remembrance  will 
be  opened.  I  have  felt,  too,  that  I  ought  to  acknow- 
ledge and  confess  this  sin  while  in  this  world,  in 
order  to  prove  to  my  own  heart  that  I  had  truly 
repented. 

"  To-night,  at  the  table,  before  all  my  family,  I 
have  confessed  it.  Oh,  what  a  relief!  As  soon  as 
I  had  related  it  to  them,  the  arrow  that  had  been 
poisoning  my  peace  of  mind  for  so  long  a  time  was 
drawn  out  of  my  heart. 

"  I  now  feel,  that,  should  I  be  called  this  night 
to  leave  the  world,  I  could  trust  unreservedly  to  my 
Saviour's  love  for  forgiveness  and  acceptance." 

This  was  written  in  1844  ;  up  to  which  time, 
and  for  two  or  three  subsequent  years,  she 
appeared  to  have  been  constantly  struggling 


94  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

with  an  oppressive  sense  of  unworthiness ; 
sometimes  partially  overcoming  it,  and  cheered 
and  revived  by  the  hope  of  forgiveness,  but 
never  entirely  at  peace. 

But,  gradually,  the  blessed  sunshine  of  the 
brightest  and  dearest  doctrine  of  the  gospel 
was  rising  upon  her  mind  and  heart.  At 
length  it  broke  full  upon  her  soul,  and  flooded 
her  whole  being,  as  it  did  that  of  Paul  and 
of  Luther ;  as  it  always  has  and  always  will 
that  of  every  true  disciple  of  Jesus  seeking 
after  a  perfect  righteousness,  when  once  it 
gains  entrance  into  the  heart,  —  flooded  her 
whole  nature  with  gladsome  light. 

Contrast  with  what  has  just  been  read,  and 
with  her  state  of  mind  as  it  has  been  de- 
scribed, the  following  passage  in  her  journal, 
written  in  1848 :  — 

"  Thrice  welcome,  peaceful  sabbath !  A  new  and 
delightful  frame  of  mind  has  been  mine  to-day 
and  recently ;  caused,  I  doubt  not,  by  conversations 
with  my  pastor  upon  a  subject  which  for  the  last 
ten  years  has  disturbed  and  oppressed  my  soul.     I 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  95 

now  no  longer  doubt  the  full  and  free  forgiveness 
of  every  sin  through  penitence  and  faith  in  the 
Redeemer.  The  instant  that  sorrow  is  felt,  and 
the  acknowledgment  made  that  I  have  sinned,  I 
hear  the  gentle  voice  of  Jesus  say,  *  Go  in  peace, 
and  sin  no  more.'  I  arise,  and  the  burden  falls 
from  my  heart ;  and,  though  I  have  transgressed,  I 
am  happy ;  though  I  am  not  perfect,  I  have  a  per- 
fect peace. 

"  Strange  that  I  have  struggled  so  long  with  this 
load!  An  implicit  faith  in  the  free  and  abundant 
pardon  of  sin  through  a  Redeemer  has  been  the 
one  thing  wanting  in  my  Christian  character.  I 
have  dwelt  upon  my  sins  till  they  have  seemed  hke 
mountains.  I  have  said, '  Father,  forgive ; '  but  have 
not  realized  that  the  promise  is  for  myself. 

"Oh,  what  a  new  life  has  burst  upon  me!  Ten 
years  ago,  I  first  partook  of  the  bread  and  wine  in 
commemoration  of  my  Saviour.  These  years  have 
indeed  been  happy,  and  increasing  in  joy  to  the  last ; 
but,  should  my  life  be  spared  another  ten,  how  differ- 
ent would  be  my  joy !  Not  a  cloud  of  anxiety  and 
distrust  when  I  shall  look  up  into  my  Redeemer's 
face ;  for  the  true,  the  everlasting  light  has  dawned 
at  length  upon  my  darkened  mind.  God  has  granted 
the  prayer  of  my  heart.     The  cloud  has  dispersed. 


96  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

To-day  all  is  bright.  O  ye  emblems  of  a  Saviour's 
love,  how  much  more  precious  than  ever  do  ye  seem 
to  me  now  !  " 

The  sun  which  then  rose  upon  her-  life 
never  again  went  down.  From  that  period, 
all  things  were  new  to  her.  Those  who  knew 
her  best  marked  and  admired  the  change. 
Her  whole  religious  movement  became  more 
free ;  her  countenance  was  illuminated  with 
her  inward  joy.  Its  expression  was  still  as 
quiet  and  calm  as  before  ;  but  the  soft  veil  of 
sadness  which  it  had  previously  worn  was  ex- 
changed for  as  soft  a  mantle  of  peace. 

The  subsequent  pages  of  her  diary  are  en- 
livened by  a  more  cheerful  and  hopeful  tone. 
''  Being  justified  by  faith,  she  had  peace  with 
God,  through  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ;  by 
whom  she  had  access  by  faith  into  that  grace 
wherein  she  stood,  and  rejoiced  in  the  hope  of 
the  glory  of  God."  That  this  blessed  condi- 
tion continued  even  to  tlie  close  of  her  earthly 
life  is  evinced  by  the  following  records  of  her 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  97 

impressions  on  the  two  last  anniversaries   of 
her  "  Christian  birthday  :  '\ — 

"  May  27,  1865. 

"Just  seventeen  years  to-day,  I  have  been  con- 
nected as  a  member  with  the  church  of  Christ,  — 
exactly  half  of  my  life.  Oh,  how  precious  have  the 
last  seventeen  years  been  to  me !  To  what  a  blessed 
discipleship  have  I  been  called  !  Every  added  year 
has  made  my  Saviour  more  and  more  precious. 
The  gloom  and  depression  I  felt  in  the  first  seven- 
teen years  of  my  life,  whenever  convictions  of  sin 
came  over  me  and  I  felt  my  nothingness,  are  seldom 
experienced  now.  I  feel  that  I  have  consecrated 
myself  to  God  ;  that  no  righteousness  of  my  own  can 
save  me.  Christ  is  sufficient.  *  If  any  man  sin,  we 
have  an  Advocate  with  the  Father.'  — '  When  I  am 
weak,  then  am  I  strong.' 

"Oh,  how  different  is  the  state  of  the  Second 
Church  now  from  what  it  was  seventeen  years  since ! 
Then  there  were  no  young  persons  in  the  church 
to  take  me  by  the  hand  and  welcome  me  to  their 
sweet  communion,  or  to  kneel  with  me  in  prayer. 
Now,  almost  every  communion-sabbath,  the  young 
are  drawing  near  to  their  Redeemer  by  an  in- 
ward consecration  and  the  outward  confession.  O 
7 


98  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

heavenly  Father,  grant  that  more  may  come!  for 
still  there  is  room.  Oh !  speak  through  me  to 
others,  that  I  may  win  souls  to  Christ,  who  has  re- 
deemed me  from  the  bondage  and  burden  of  sin, 
and  has  become  my  righteousness.  Aid  me  this 
year  to  a  deeper  consecration.  Let  not  sin  have 
any  power  over  me.  In  memory  of  Christ,  I  re- 
nounce it.  Not  willingly  shall  it  have  place  in  this 
heart:  this  temple  shall  not  be  defiled.  O  Holy 
Spirit,  come  and  take  possession  of  this  heai't,  and 
never  leave  it !  " 

"  May  25,  1856. 
"  This  anniversary  never  was  so  welcome  before. 
New  and  fresh  gratitude  to  my  Redeemer  arises  in 
my  heart  to-day.  He  has  been  with  •  me  these 
eighteen  years,  drawing  and  winning  me  to  a  closer 
walk  with  God.  O  God !  accept  the  renewed  con- 
secration of  all  I  am  and  have  to  thy  service.  I 
have  felt  thy  love  in  a  crucified  Saviour.  In  all 
my  sins,  I  have  felt  that  his  blood  alone  could 
cleanse,  and  make  me  free.  I  have  no  righteous- 
ness of  my  own;  and  yet  I  am  so  happy  in  this 
precious  faith  in  Christ !  This  is  the  brightest  an- 
niversary of  the  eighteen  spent  in  seeking  to  be  a 
disciple.      Oh,  how  I  love  the  hymn,  'Bring  forth 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  99 

the  royal  diadem,  and  crown  him  Lord  of  all ' !  I 
would  crown  this  exalted  friend  of  sinners  ;  for  he 
has  washed  us  in  his  blood,  and  by  him  we  have 
access  to  God.     Oh  that  all  would  bow  to  him !  " 


100  PORTRAIT  OP  A 


CHAPTER   VL 

Sickness.    Preparation  for  Departure.    Last  Hours. 

This  brief  sketch  of  a  life  which  was  itself 
too  brief —  as  it  seemed  to  those  who  saw  its 
beauty,  and  felt  its  beneficent  power ;  but  not 
too  brief  for  its  own  joy,  or  for  the  best  pur- 
poses of  human  existence  —  is  drawing  towards 
its  close.  A  constitution  as  delicate  as  Miss 
Clapp's  may,  by  careful  cherishing  and  light 
labor,  with  frequent  intervals  of  rest,  be  pre- 
served even  to  old  age  ;  but  it  cannot  last 
long  in  the  service  of  a  spirit  so  active,  so  self- 
devoted,  so  earnestly  laborious,  as  hers.  She 
would  not  have  considered  it  to  be  living  to 
have  eked  out  her  mortal  existence  by  a  selfish 
consultation  for  her  physical  comfort;  to 
nurse  and  tend  her  body  till  the  very  last 
moment  that  the  frail   machine  might  have 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  101 

strength  to  perform  the  simple  functions  of 
animal  life.  She  could  not  weigh  a  few  days 
of  earthly  continuance  against  the  neglect  of 
any  opportunity  to  serve  God  or  benefit  man- 
kind. The  great  question  with  her  was,  how 
well  can  I  live,  not  how  comfortably ;  how  use- 
fully, not  how  long.  She  had  caught  the 
spirit  of  Christ's  sublime  saying,  "  He  that 
loveth  his  life  shall  lose  it ;  but  whosoever  will 
lose  his  life  for  my  sake,  the  same  shall  find  it, 
and  shall  keep  it  unto  the  life  eternal."  I  do 
not  mean  that  she  was  reckless  or  presumptu- 
ous in  exposing  her  health :  she  used  all  care 
for  its  preservation  which  was  consistent  with 
higher  considerations.  But  there  was  some- 
thing which  she  valued  and  loved  more  than 
life,  —  the  high  satisfaction  of  doing  good; 
the  profound  joy  of  being  true  to  the  claims  of 
religion  and  humanity ;  the  undefiled  honor 
of  faithfulness  to  the  calls  of  duty ;  the  deli- 
cious happiness  of  disinterested  devotion  to 
the  kingdom  of  Christ. 

Her  health  for  several  years  gave  signs  of 


102  PORTRAIT   OP   A 

failure :  it  was  breaking  down  under  the  con- 
stant labors  which  she  loved.  Her  friends 
perceived  the  painful  truth,  and  endeavored 
to  persuade  her  to  relinquish  her  Sunday 
school  or  her  day  school.  She  listened  to 
them  kindly,  but  could  not  realize  that  the 
case  was  as  urgent  as  they  supposed,  —  could 
not  be  convinced  or  persuaded  that  it  was  her 
duty  to  throw  aside  the  instruments  of  useful- 
ness which  she  had  taken  up  for  the  service  of 
her  heavenly  Master.  "  If  I  could  only  hear 
his  voice  saying  in  my  heart,  '  It  is  your  duty, 
it  is  my  will,'  I  would  instantly  give  up  my 
charge,  and  unbind  my  girdle.  But  I  do  not 
hear  it.  These  children,  his  lambs,  call  upon 
me  to  feed  them;  his  voice  seems  to  call  me 
in  their  sweet  and  inviting  tones."  She  con- 
tinued at  her  work,  almost  forgetting  that  she 
was  growing  weaker  and  weaker,  till  at  length 
her  strength  fairly  gave  out,  and,  from  abso- 
lute inability,  she  was  compelled  to  retire  from 
the -field,  and  lie  down,  exhausted,  to  rest. 
This  was  in  the  early  part  of  the  spring  of 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  103 

the  last  year  (1857).  For  several  weeks,  she 
supposed  that  she  might  recover;  though  she 
was  aware  that  such  a  result  was  uncertain. 
During  this  earlier  portion  of  her  last  illness, 
she  entered  in  her  journal  such  reflections  as 
these : — 

"I  feel  the  approach  of  sickness.  I  would 
meditate  upon  immortality,  —  upon  the  undying 
spirit  and  the  unfading  home.  It  may  be  but  a. 
Httle  while  before  niy  soul  may  have  ceased  its 
connection  with  earth  and  time.  What  are  its  pro- 
spects for  eternity  ?  What  is  its  preparation  to  pass 
onward?  Am  I  ready  to  yield  it  up  to  Him  who 
bade  it  live  ?  Should  not  the  Christian  be  ever 
ready  to  go  to  the  Father,  —  to  the  Saviour  who 
has  prepared  mansions  of  rest,  and  is  ready  to  re- 
ceive his  disciples  to  the  holy  and  beautiful  place 
where  they  may  be  for  ever  with  himself?  I  am 
conscious  of  having  much,  very  much,  to  attract  me 
to  earth,  —  a  pleasant  home,  indulgent  parents,  sym- 
pathizing friends,  dear  Christian  companions,  earthly 
goods  enough  for  present  needs  ;  and  my  daily  duties 
as  teacher,  too,  are  full  of  pleasure  and  interest. 
Say,  then,  my  soul,  art  thou  ready  to  part  with 
these ;  to  bid  adieu  to  all  familiar  scenes,  to  all  the 


104  PORinAIT  OP   A 

charms  of  visible  nature,  and  enter  into  the  unseen 
state,  beyond  and  through  the  shaded  valley  of 
death?  My  Father,  I  leave  all  to  thee.  When 
thou  shalt  bid,  may  I  say,  *  My  Father  ^alls :  let 
me  obey ;  let  me  arise,  and  go  with  quiet  quickness. 
Yea,  though  I  pass  through  the  shadow  of  death,  I 
will  fear  no  evil.'" 

"  The  last  few  weeks,  1  have  been  confined  to  my 
room  with  severe  illness,  unable  to  see  any  one. 
Now  I  am  slowly  recovering,  and  find  myself  at 
times  almost  impatient  to  be  engaged  in  the  active 
duties  of  life.  Not  that  I  am  weary  of  the  sick- 
room ;  far  from  it.  I  have  received  every  at- 
tention, —  every  kindness  from  earth  and  Heaven. 
Scarcely  a  day  without  some  little  love-ofFering 
from  human  friends,  and  not  a  day  without  good 
and  perfect  gifts  from  the  Father  of  lights.  These 
things  make  me  very  grateful,  very  happy,  and  also 
cause  a  deep  sympathy  in  my  heart  towards  those 
who  are  on  beds  of  pain,  and  who  are  not  com- 
forted by  those  kindly  attentions  so  pleasant  to  the 
sick.  I  know  of  such,  and  have  thought  much  of 
them. 

"  And  then,  too,  what  a  precious  time  for  thought ! 
The  past,  the  present,  and  the  future  all  pass  before 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  105 

the  mind.  The  soul  is  brought  to  view  itself  in  the 
true  light.  It  feels  the  solemn  interest  of  life ;  it 
feels  a  nearness  to  God ;  it  rests  on  his  strong  and 
gentle  arm;  it  quiets  itself  through  trust  in  him, 
as  a  little  child,  tired  and  trembling,  leans  on  its 
mother.  Its  desires  for  earthly  pleasures  fail:  it 
has  no  spirits  for  them,  no  appetite  for  what  the 
healthy  delight  in.  It  loathes  noise  and  excitement, 
and  the  pomp  and  vanity  of  the  world.  It  turns 
with  longing  towards  the  pure  and  calm  glories  of 
eternity.  Not  that  I  am  tired  of  this  bright  and 
beautiful  world  which  God  has  made,  of  nature, 
and  of  my  friends.  Oh,  no !  But  in  these  precious 
seasons  of  communing,  alone  with  my  own  heart, 
upon  my  bed,  in  stillness,  away  from  the  distracting 
cares  which  in  the  hours  of  health  are  too  often 
allowed  to  darken  the  spiritual  vision,  there  is  such 
peace,  such  pure  and  deep  delighi,  as  I  fain  would 
cherish,  and  never  part  with." 

At  about  the  same  period,  she  wrote  a  few- 
letters,  in  pencil,  to  some  of  her  most  intimate 
friends. 

^^Dear  L.,  —  This  is  the  fourth  sabbath  that  I 
have  been  confined  at  home,  away  from  my  beloved 


106  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

church ;  but,  though  I  long  to  go  when  the  morning 
bell  rings,  the  hours  of  solitude  in  my  sick-room 
have  been  sweet  I  have  fully  realized  that  our 
heavenly  Father  is  not  confined  to  any  earthly 
temple ;  that  we  can  make,  by  his  gracious  aid,  our 
own  hearts  a  fit  residence  for  the  indwelling  of  the 
Holy  Spirit.  I  feel  that  I  have  not  been  absent 
from  him  because  unable  to  be  present  in  his  earthly 
courts.  The  worship  which  he  accepts  is  not  that 
of  the  lip  merely,  but  that  of  the  heart.  He  is  in 
secret ;  he  heareth  in  secret ;  he  is  worshipped  in 
spirit;  he  is  everywhere. 

*  Where  can  I  go  from  thee, 
All-present  Deity? 
But  why  should  I  depart? 
'Tis  safety  where  thou  art. 

And  could  one  spot  thy  being  hold, 
I,  poor  and  vain  and  weak, 
That  sacred  spot  would  seek, 
And  dwell  within  the  shelter  of  thy  fold.' 

"  You  remember  the  last  time  I  saw  you,  when 
we  parted  after  having  visited  those  poor  friends  in 
Ann  Street.  Do  you  recollect  I  said  that  I  did  not 
feel  very  well,  and  that  visiting  such  places  worked 
upon  my  feelings,  sometimes  so  much  as  to  take 
away  my  strength?  That  very  afternoon,  I  was 
quite  ill.     I  tried  to  read,  but  could   not   fix   my 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  107 

attention.     I  then  thought  I  would  call  upon  

for  a  religious  conversation,  but  did  not  find  him  at 
home.  The  next  day  was  Sunday.  I  had  not  slept 
during  the  night ;  but  I  arose  in  the  morning,  intend- 
ing to  go  to  church,  though  not  to  the  Sunday  school. 
I  was  prevailed  upon  to  remain  at  home.  In  the 
afternoon,  as  it  was  communion-day,  I  thought  I 
would  ride;  but  found  myself,  at  the  last  moment, 
too  sick  even  to  get  ready.  Then  I  really  felt  sad. 
After  a  moment's  reflection,  however,  I  asked  my- 
self the  question,  Why  this  sadness?  Ought  not 
gratitude  to  fill  my  heart  that  I  have  for  so  many 
years  enjoyed,  almost  without  interruption,  that 
holy  season?  Yes,  yes,  precious  indeed  is  the 
memory  of  that  feast  of  love !  Gratitude  shall  fill 
my  heart.     Away,  all  sadness  !  away^ 

'  When  all  thy  mercies,  0^ 

My  rising  soul  surve 

Transported  with  the  v 

In  wonder,  love,  and 

"  And  now,  dear  L.,  I  hope  you 
time  to-day  where  I  cannot  be.  Give  my  love  to 
my  class;  and  tell  them,  when  the  first  bell  rings, 
my  thoughts  will  fly  to  them,  and  my  spirit  hover 
around  their  httle  group. 

'^What  is  our  life?     If  I  am  again  engaged  in 


108  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

its  active  dutie3,  when  my  health  returns,  I  trust  all 
my  powers  of  body  and  mind  will  be  devoted  more 
faithfully  to  my  God.  My  one  desire  is  to  live 
nearer  to  him,  and  only  to  live  in  him  and  by  him 
and  for  him. 

"  It  is  the  first  time  I  have  written. 

«Good-by!  M." 

"Very  grateful  do  I  feel  to  you,  dear  H.,  for 
bringing  me  such  a  beautiful  bouquet  to  cheer  and 
bless  me  in  these  hours  of  retirement  from  active 
duties.  Children  and  flowers  are  to  me  the  most 
attractive  and  lovely  objects  in  the  world.  Deprived 
by  this  illness  of  being  in  the  midst  of  the  former^ 
and  from  trying  to  make  them  more  beautiful  by  the 
influences  which  God  always  places  in  the  teacher's 
power,  I  have  had  bouquet  after  bouquet  sent  to 
me  from  the  members  of  our  Sunday  school,  so  that 
my  eyes  have  been  resting  upon  the  latter  while  my 
thoughts  have  been  associating  them  with  you  all. 
I  do  not  know  enough  of  flowers  to  cultivate  them ; 
but  all  these  do  not  need  cultivation:  they  have 
arrived  at  their  perfection ;  and  I  may  admire  their 
beauty,  and  enjoy  their  fragrance.  Soon  each  flower, 
now  so  attractive,  must  droop  and  die.  Don't  you 
wish,  sometimes,  they  would  live  for  ever.^    It  is 


CHRISTIAN   UFE.  109 

well  that  things  we  love  should  not :  I  am  afraid  we 
should  cling  too  strongly  to  them.  But  God,  in  great 
love  for  us,  takes  one  and  another  comfort  or  object 
of  desire  from  us,  that  he  may  bring  us  still  nearer 
to  himself. 

"  Sickness,  —  what  a  mysterious  messenger  it  is  ! 
How  we  dread  its  approach !  And  yet,  when  it  has 
come  to  us,  we  see  it  was  the  very  discipline  we 
needed.  Oh !  it  seems  to  me,  when  I  am  free  from 
its  bonds,  I  must  enter  into  active  life  again  with  a 
purer  and  holier  purpose.  This  life  is  short,  —  how 
very  short  to  some !  hoio  short  to  that  pure  spirit  we 
have  just  parted  from  (F.)  !  But  the  life  she  now 
enjoys  is  everlasting  life.  Oh  wondrous  thought, 
that  she  is  still,  with  a  clearer  light,  doing  the  will  of 
God!  I  seem  to  see  her,  with  her  lovely  coun- 
tenance and  those  expressive  eyes,  —  still  more 
beautiful  than  ever  in  her  spiritual  body,  —  a  mini- 
stering angel.  I  have  thought  how  much  your  cousin 
F.,  who  has  been  sick  so  long,  must  have  been 
deprived  of;  and  yet  I  dare  say  she  would  not  have 
it  otherwise,  because  it  is  the  will  of  God,  who 
always  gives  the  grace  to  bear.  I  send  her  my 
sympathizing  love.  Tell  her,  /  have  only  tasted  of 
sickness,  and  the  prospect  before  me  is  of  gradual 
recovery;   yet  I  will  not  depend  upon  it  until  the 


110  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

cough  is  removed.  I  sometimes  think  I  can  go  to 
my  labors  as  usual,  I  am  so  bright  some  days ;  and 
then  comes  a  season  of  weakness,  and  I  feel  that  a 
long  rest  must  intervene.  .  .  .  Good-night ! 

«M.  E.  C." 

"  April  25,  1857.  - 
"  My  dear,  dear  Annie,  —  My  heart  is  too  full 
for  utterance;  but,  oh!  I  must  offer  my  heartfelt 
sympathy  to  you.  Our  darling  F.  has  obeyed  the 
call  to  enter  one  of  those  mansions  prepared  by  her 
blessed  Saviour,  whom  she  loved,  and  whose  disciple 
she  was  while  in  the  body.  One  more  sweet  spirit 
to  welcome  us  when  our  turn  comes. 

"I  commend  you  in  this  trying  hour  to  Jesus. 
Lean,  dear  one,  your  bleeding  heart  upon  him.  He 
has  promised  to  be  with  you  in  trouble ;  yea,  even 
in  the  dark  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death.  He  is 
there.  I  feel  that  I  have  lost  a  very  dear  friend, 
she  was  so  near  to  me  in  Christian  sympathy ;  but, 
oh !  rejoice  in  her  upward  flight :  she  is  happy.  Her 
faith  in  Jesus  as  the  Redeemer,  her  all-sufficient 
friend ;  her  earnest  desire  always  to  please  God ;  and 
the  fact  that  she  consecrated  herself  to  the  service 
of  God,  —  make  me  think  of  her  as  still  living,  not 
dead ;  no,  no !     F.  is  rejoicing  in  a  neafer,  a  more 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  Ill 

intimate  communion  with  all  the  departed  who  have 
fallen  asleep  in  Jesus.  I  must  think  of  her  as  even 
now  sitting  at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  still  learning  more 
and  more  of  her  heavenly  Father's  will.  Let  us  say, 
*  Father,  not  our  will,  but  thine,  be  done.' 
''  Peace  be  with  you  and  your  loved  ones  ! 
"  Yours  truly, 

"  Maria  E.  Clapp." 

"  Tuesday,  June  16, 1857. 
"Dear  A.,  —  I  thank  you  for  the  Memoir  you 
sent  me.  I  shall  have  a  feast  in  reading  it  when  I 
recover,  if  it  is  the  will  of  God  that  I  shall  get  well. 
I  thank  you,  too,  for  your  offer  to  come  and  read 
to  me  ;  but  I  have  to  be  very  quiet,  and  Dr.  W. 
wishes  me  to  see  as  few  of  my  friends  as  possible. 
So,  A.,  I  have  to  deny  myself  the  sight  of  those  I  love. 
Pray  for  me,  dear  one,  that  I  may  be  submissive 
and  resigned.  I  have  thought  much  of  our  dear  F.  T 
perhaps  I  shall  see  her  in  those  heavenly  man- 
sions before  many  months  pass  on.  But  we  know 
not  the  hour  when  our  Father  will  call.  I  wait  his 
time.  Jesus  has  promised  to  be  with  us  always ; 
so  I  lay  my  head  on  his  arm,  and  feel  safe.  Oh,  A., 
at  the  near  prospect  of  death,  how  we  feel  our  entire 
emptiness!    and   how   precious    is    the    thought   of 


112  PORTRAIT   OP  A 

Christ's  mediation  and  love !  Oh  !  I  want  to  think 
of  the  great  love  of  God  to  us,  sinners.  I  feel  safe, 
because  Jesus  says,  *  Him  that  cometh  to  me  I  will 
in  no  wise  cast  out.'  (I  come  to  thee,  my  dear 
Redeemer :  oh !  receive  my  soul  at  last.)  I  wish  to 
write  more  to  you;  but  I  am  already  too  much 
fatigued  by  writing  this. 

"  God  bless  and  comfort  you,  and  draw  you  closer, 
through  all  your  trials,  to  him ! 

"  Yours  affectionately,         Maria  E.  C." 

"  My  kind  Friend  Mr.  F.,  —  I  was  in  hopes  to 
sit  with  your  class  and  my  own  dear  girls,  and  enjoy 
the  influence  of  those  sweet  sabbath-morning  talks 
for  a  longer  period ;  but,  the  last  few  days,  I  have 
not  been  quite  so  well,  which  made  me  feel  I  had 
better  send  for  a  physician,  as  I  wished  to  know  if 
my  lungs  were  diseased.  I  sent  for  Dr.  W.,  who 
told  me,  after  the  examination,  that  he  thought  the 
difficulty  might  possibly  be  remedied  if  I  rested 
from  my  school  and  sabbath  labors  for  a  season. 
I  asked  him  if  I  could  return  to  them  in  the  fall. 
He  seemed  to  think,  with  mother,  that  I  was  looking 
ahead  too  far ;  and  said,  that,  when  the  time  came,  he 
would  know  better ;  but,  for  the  present,  I  must  not 
even  attend  church  till  it  was  warm  enough  to  have 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE.  113 

doors  and  windows  open.  The  first  time  he  called, 
he  said,  '  You  must  keep  out  in  the  open  air,  and  take 
a  walk  every  pleasant  day.'  I  thought,  of  course,  it 
would  be  delightful  to  take  a  morning  walk  to  our 
vestry;  but,  this  morning,  he  says  no  to  that:  and 
now  I  have  resolved  to  give  up  these  delightful 
occupations,  that  I  may,  if  our  heavenly  Father  wills 
it,  recover  my  health.  For  a  long  time  my  parents 
and  friends  have  said  to  me,  '  Maria,  why  don't  you 
give  up  this  and  that  occupation?  Rest  a  while.' 
But  my  reply  has  been,  '  I  am  not  sick :  I  know  I 
am  not  quite  well ;  but  I  have  no  need  of  a  physician.' 
Oh,  how  many  are  spiritually  just  in  this  condition ! 
and  they  say,  '  I  am  not  conscious  that  I  am  sick ; ' 
or,  '  I  know  I  am  not  quite  well ;  but  I  have,  at  pre- 
sent, no  need  of  a  physician.'  But  how  true,  (isn't  it, 
Mr.  F.  ?)  that,  the  very  instant  the  soul  does  realize 
its  sinfulness,  it  turns  to  the  heavenly  Physician  for 
relief !  But  this  must  be  with  faith.  Oh  that  more 
and  more  may  be  imparted  to  us  and  to  others  of 
this  precious  faith  in  Jesus! 

"Adieu,  then,  for  a  season,  to  our  dear  sabbath 
school,  and  my  own  loved  class,  and  the  rich  enjoy- 
ment of  the  house  of  prayer !  I  have  still  hope  that 
I  may  teach  in  the  fall :  till  then,  will  you  keep  my 
class? 


114  PORTRAIT  OP  A 

" '  Make  me  submissive  to  thy  will,  and  I  will  ask 
no  more,'  I  keep  repeating  to  myself.  Love  to  all 
the  class. 

"  Very  respectfully, 

"Maria  E.  Clapp." 

"  Dear  Miss  B.,  —  You  have  added  a  great  deal 
to  my  comfort  and  pleasure  by  sending  to  me  this 
book,*  so  full  of  rich  thoughts  and  suggestions.  I 
so  dearly  love  hymns  and  sacred  poetry,  that  I  have 
actually  feasted  upon  these.  Many  of  them  are  in 
my  own  book  of  hymns,  —  my  favorite  ones  too.  I 
must  get  a  copy  as  soon  as  I  recover:  once  reading 
them  increases  the  appetite  for  more.  Thank  you 
very  kindly,  too,  for  copying  the  hymn,  '  What  time 
I  am  afraid,  I  will  trust  in  Thee.'  I  keep  it  near  me 
that  I  may  often  read  it.  The  soul  that  stays  itself 
on  God,  either  in-  life  or  death,  has  perfect  peace. 
How  much  we  need  this  blessed  support !  And,  oh, 
really  to  feel  this  entire  dependence,  to  lie  wholly 
in  the  arms  of  Christ,  —  feeble,  helpless,  weak,  sin- 
ful as  we  are,  —  what  a  privilege !  Do  we  not  long 
to  love  him  more  and  more?  How  many  during 
this  anniversary-week  have  perhaps  had  their  afFec- 

•  "  The  Harp  and  the  Cross." 


CHEISTIAN  LIFE.  115 

tions  awakened  towards  him  at  the  devotional 
meetings!  and  how  many  souls  have  been  roused  to 
say,  *  I  will  do  more  for  this  and  that  cause  of  cha- 
rity ' !  Well,  I,  too,  have  been  with  you  all,  in  spirit, 
and  enjoyed  with  you  every  sign  of  the  increase 
of  spiritual  good  over  worldliness.  Life,  this  life, 
appears  so  much  greater  to  me  than  before,  so 
full  of  intense  interest,  so  filled  with  the  loving 
presence  of  God!  The  dear  little  martins  in  our 
neighbor's  yard  seem  to  praise  him  with  their  whole 
hearts  with  a  deeper  earnestness  than  ever;  the 
trees  and  buds  and  flowers  continually  say  to  me, 
*  Praise  him!  praise  him!*  But  you  will  think  it 
strange  that  I  should  express  these  feelings  to  you, 
with  whom  I  have  had  so  little  conversation.  But 
no  matter :  I  feel  your  Christian  spirit,  and  so  am  at 
home  with  you.     God  bless  you ! 

"  I  have  not  felt  so  well  for  four  or  five  days ;  and 
Dr.  W.  is  unwilling  I  should  attend  church  Sunday 
afternoon,  as  I  have  been  expecting  to.  I  feel  more 
willing  to  bear  this  privation  than  I  thought  I 
should.  "With  regard,  Maria  E.  C." 

"  Dear  Miss  B., — I  can  but  faintly  express  to 
you  the  gratitude  I  feel  for  these  dear  good  hymns. 
Just  exactly  are  they  the  breathings  of  my  spirit ; 


116  PORTilAlT   OP   A 

and  they  have  come  to  me  at  the  time  when  I  am 
thinking  a  good  deal  of  passing  on  to  the  spirit- 
world,  and  I  wish  to  have  just  such  hymns  in  my 
mind  all  the  time.  Any  thing  that  will  bring  me 
*  nearer  to  God '  I  crave.  O  !  it  is  my  con- 
stant prayer,  ^  Jesus,  I  have  need  of  thee.'  And  then 
I  seem  to  hear  his  voice  saying,  ^  Iioill  come  to  thee.' 
Yes,  and  he  will  '  tarry  with  me.'  I  know  and  I 
believe,  therefore  I  will  trust. 

"  Yes,  I  do  think  much  of  our  Sunday  school ; 
and,  at  the  hour  for  commencing,  I  have  retired 
alone,  and,  in  spirit,  visited  each  class,  and  have 
prayed  for  each  teacher  separately,  calling  you  all  by 
name,  as  I  presented  the  petition  to  'our  Father,' 
that  his  richest  spiritual  gifts  might  at  that  time  rest 
upon  you,  and  that  the  dear  ones  who  encircled  you 
might  have  their  hearts  drawn  nearer  and  closer  to 
the  dear  Redeemer.  No ;  my  work  is  not  yet  done, 
and  will  not  be,  should  God  think  it  best  to  confine 
me  to  the  sick-room  even  for  years.  He  is  good, 
and  always  gives  us  something  to  do  or  bear. 

"  I  have  been  very  ill  tlie  last  four  or  five  days, 
and  I  think  it  is  doubtful  if  I  recover.  Still  I  have 
hope ;  for  this  disease  is  so  changejible.  But  I  don't 
want  to  have  much  thought  about  it :  I  do  not  feel 
anxious.     I  know  God's  time  is  best.     I  wait. 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  117 

"  I  frequently  see  you  as  you  pass  to  and  from 
your  school,  with  your  pleasant  smile  upon  your 
countenance ;  and  I  think  there  must  be  the  joy  of 
the  Christian's  spirit  within.  May  it  ever  abide  with 
you,  and  may  God  bless  you,  is  the  prayer  of 

"MariaE.  C. 

"P.  S.  —  I  love  to  have  my  friends  write  to  me, 
because  I  can  read  better  than  I  can  talk ;  it  don't 
require  so  much  strength :  and  I  can  stop,  too,  in  the 
middle  of  a  sentence,  and  rest.  And,  then,  it  is  the 
next  best  thing  to  seeing  them." 

Miss  Clapp  remained  in  the  state  of  uncer- 
tainty indicated  in  these  letters,  with  regard  to 
the  issue  of  her  disease,  till  near  the  close  of 
May,  1857.  In  the  course  of  a  visit  during 
that  month,  when,  though  very  feeble,  she  was 
still  able  to  receive  me  in  the  parlor,  she 
spoke  of  the  condition  of  suspense  in  which 
she  had  been  living  for  a  few  weeks ;  remark- 
ing that  it  was  not  conducive  to  perfect  peace 
of  mind,  because  she  could  not  be  entirely 
satisfied  whether  it  was  her  duty  to  put  away 
all  hopes  of  any  further  usefulness  on  earth. 


il8  PORTRAIT   OP  A 

and  give  up  to  the  sickness  as  fatal,  or  to 
struggle  against  it,  and  try  to  keep  about  a 
little  longer  ;  and  asked  my  opinion  as  to  the 
conclusion  to  which  she  ought  to  bring  her 
mind,  and  the  course  which,  as  a  Christian, 
it  became  her  to  adopt.  Being  convinced, 
from  a  conversation  with  her  physician, 
that  she  could  not  recover,  I  replied,  that  I 
thought  it  her  duty  to  relieve  herself  at  once 
of  all  suspense,  —  not  to  continue  any  longer 
in  a  state  of  disturbance,  —  not  to  allow  her 
soul  to  be  deprived  of  the  enjoyment  of  entire 
peace,  even  for  an  hour.  I  told  her  that 
the  way  to  be  perfectly  at  rest  was  to  give  up 
herself  without  reserve  to  God,  as  if  she 
were  sure  that  it  was  his  will  to  take  her  home 
to  himself,  —  to  resign  herself,  being  now  too 
weak  to  work,  or  even  to  think  of  working, 
wholly  to  him,  whether  for  a  longer  stay  on 
earth  or  for  an  early  departure,  —  to  lie  down 
at  once  on  his  arm,  and  rest  there,  and  there 
only,  leaving  the  event  with  him.  *'  Lie 
down,"  I  said,  "  and  repose ;  because  it  is  all 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  Il9 

you  can  do  now ;  not  asking  how  long  you 
are  to  repose,  whether  for  a  few  days,  or 
for  eternity.  When  you  do  thus  stay  your- 
self on  God,  all  suspense  will  depart,  and 
perfect  peace  return  and  dwell  in  your 
heart."  Her  reply  instantly  was,  "  That  is 
my  duty  :  I  see  it  clearly.  I  am  so  glad  to 
have  my  doubt  settled  !  And  what  a  blessed 
duty  it  is !  I  begin  even  now  to  have  a  fore- 
taste of  the  rich  feast  I  am  to  enjoy.  I  will 
try." 

She  did  try,  and  with  perfect  success.  She 
never  thought  or  spoke,  afterwards,  with  the 
least  concern  about  the  issue  of  her  disease. 
She  gave  herself  no  anxiety  about  recovering 
or  dying :  she  was  content  to  be  living  for  the 
present  in  God,  —  a  sweet  life,  without  refer- 
ence to  time,  and  above  the  apprehension  of 
death. 

A  few  days  after  this  interview,  as  had  been 
anticipated,  she  became  so  feeble  as  to  be  con- 
fined to  her  chamber.  When  she  entered  it, 
with  the  expectation  of  never  leaving  it  again, 


120  PORTRAIT   OF  A 

she  said  to  lier  mother,  "  Now,  dear  mother, 
this  chamber  must  be  consecrated  to  God. 
Nothing  must  be  thought  or  felt  or  said  here 
that  will  not  please  him.  We  must  not  let 
him  see  any  gloom,  or  hear  any  murmurs. 
We  must  feel  that  his  presence  is  here ;  that 
he  loves  us,  and  does  every  thing  for  our  best 
good." 

It  was  a  sacred  purpose,  a  beautiful  ex- 
pression of  filial  trust  and  love.  And  it  was 
fulfilled.  For  nearly  three  months,  his  pre- 
sence was  manifested  there  day  and  night,  and 
nothing  was  allowed  that  would  grieve  the 
Holy  Spirit.  How  was  this  accomplished,  — 
this  result,  so  seldom  seen  on  earth  ?  It  was 
accomplislied  through  an  entire  and  loving 
faith  in  the  Redeemer.  It  was  not  through 
her  own  strength,  —  oh!  no,  —  that  she  re- 
peatedly and  most  emphatically  declared :  she 
did  it  through  Christ,  who  was  with  her, 
sweetening  and  strengthening  her  nature. 
She  kept  near  to  the  Saviour,  —  close,  ever 
closer,  to  him.     "  He  is  sufficient  for  me,"  she 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  121 

repeated  over  and  over.  "  I  lean  upon  his 
bosom  ;  his  arm  is  round  my  neck  ;  I  hear  his 
voice  in  my  heart ;  he  whispers,  '  Be  of  good 
cheer,  I  am  with  thee ; '  he  instils  peace  into 
my  soul ;  he  is  mine,  and  I  am  his ;  he  is  ful- 
filling his  promises  to  me  and  within  me,  as 
lie  said  he  would  to  every  one  who  would  im- 
plicitly confide  in  him." 

I  visited  her  nearly  every  day  during  the 
period  just  referred  to,  and  every  day  heard 
such  words  as  those,  —  never  an  accent  which 
was  not  in  entire  harmony  with  them.  As  I 
sat  by  her  side,  reading  selections  from  the 
Bible,  or  conversing  of  the  believer's  rest,  I 
always  felt  as  if  there  were  present  not 
only  we  two,  but  the  Saviour  himself  also, 
as  a  third.  She  was  so  near  to  him,  and  his 
presence  was  so  clearly  manifested  to  her  and 
through  her,  that  I  also  felt  his  nearness. 
At  every  interview,  we  read  and  talked  over 
some  of  his  last  words  to  his  disciples,  dwell- 
ing upon  such  as  were  most  applicable  to  her 
condition.     They  never  before  had  such  mean- 


122  PORTRAIT   OP   A 

ing  and  power.  They  seemed  to  come  fresh 
from  his  own  lips,  warm  from  liis  own  heart. 

She  called  upon  Jesus  as  upon  one  very 
near,  —  sometimes  audibly ;  but  more  fre- 
quently, as  she  told  me,  in  silence.  If,  at  any 
time,  she  was  severely  distressed,  and  her  pa- 
tience was  beginning  to  fail,  she  would  turn 
to  him,  and  say,  "  Dear  Saviour,  help  me  to 
endure  quietly."  Whatever  she  wanted  of 
spiritual  strength  she  asked  him  for,  with  as 
much  simplicity  of  trust  as  she  asked  her 
mother  to  smooth  her  pillow  or  moisten 
her  lips.  She  never  had  a  doubt  of  his  pre- 
sence and  help,  nor  was  troubled  with  any 
question  as  to  the  propriety  of  calling  upon 
him.  She  felt  that  he  was  so  near,  she  rested 
on  him  with  such  childlike  confidence,  and 
loved  him  with  such  a  perfect  love,  that  there 
was  no  room  in  her  heart  for  any  such  doubts 
or  speculations. 

A  few  letters  which  she  wrote  with  a  pencil, 
while  propped  on  pillows  for  the  purpose, 
shortly   before   her  decease,  will  give  a  better 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  123 

impression  of  her  feelings  than  any  description 
of  mine.  The  first  two  are  to  her  intimate 
friend  L. ;  the  third  is  to  a  valued  member 
of  the  Second  Church,  and  an  experienced 
teacher  in  the  sabbath  school  connected  with  it, 
Avhose  visits  to  Miss  Clapp  during  her  sickness 
were  frequent,  and  of  great  comfort  to  her ; 
the  fourth  is  to  the  Sunday-school  teachers  and 
children  ;  the  last  was  to  an  absent  sister. 

"  Dear  L.,  —  A  few  days  since,  I  thought  I  was 
on  the  eve  of  departure  to  the  spirit- world ;  but  my 
time  had  not  come.  God  wishes  me  to  wait,  and 
perhaps    suffer   still   more,   before   he    permits    the 

spirit  to  leave  the  clay.     I  told  Dr.  W what  I 

thought,  and  he  said  he  thought  the  issue  of  my 
disease  would  not  be  immediately.     'Then,'  said  I, 

' I  may  see and  again ? '  —  'I  think  so,' 

he  said.  I  now  think  I  may  continue  perhaps  a 
month  or  two:  but  I  am  not  depending  on  it,  dar- 
hng  L. ;  I  am  hving  by  the  day.  I  am  almost 
entirely  helpless ;  my  bones  are  sore  ;  I  have  no  ap- 
petite ;  and  I  am  not  able  to  turn  myself  in  bed. 
I  am  sitting  up  to-day,  feeling  comfortable,  and 
looking  much  more  as  I  used  to.     My  faith  and  trust 


124  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

are  strong  in  Him  in  whom  I  trust.  I  am  happy 
and  peaceful :  I  have  not  a  doubt  or  fear.  I  am  a 
little  child,  nestling  under  the  protecting  feathers  of 
the  wings  of  the  Almighty,  my  head  resting  on  the 
bosom  of  Jesus. 

I  am  exhausted.  You  know  all  I  would  say.  I 
have  suffered  pain  even  from  writing  this. 

«  Maria." 

"  Dear  L.,  —  I  do  not  think  that  I  am  quite  well 
enough  to  see  my  friends  to  day  ;  so  1  have  refused 
all,  except  those  who  have  not  called  before.  There 
is  an  excitement  in  seeing  as  well  as  talking^  which 
reveals  to  me  how  very  weak  I  must  be.  I  have 
your  beautiful  flowers  opposite  my  bed :  they  speak 
to  me  of  my  heavenly  Father's  love,  and  of  your 
disinterested  affection  for  me.  My  longing  prayer 
last  night  was,  *  My  Saviour,  I  have  need  of  thee  ;  * 
and  then  those  blessed  words,  *  /  will  come  to  thee^ 
lingered  in  my  ear,  and  I  had  peace.  I  need  this 
sickness  to  purify  me  from  much  inward  imperfec- 
tion ;  but  Mr.  R so  quietly  lifted  me  above  self, 

and  drew  me  so  near  to  Christ,  that,  when  he  talks 
to  me,  I  see  only  the  love  of  Christ  for  me  ;  and  I 
think  I  won't  look  within  so  much,  but  upward 
more.  "  Yours  affectionately, 

"Maria." 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  125 

"Mt  dear,  good  Friend,  Mr.  F,,  —  I  wish  to 
say  a  few  words  through  you  to  the  young,  who,  I 
well  know,  will  always  be  gathered  around  you  till 
*  our  Father '  calls  you  home. 

"  My  young  sisters,  it  is  only  a  very  few  words 
I  feel  that  I  have  strength  to  write  you.  I  am 
dying.  Oh,  no  !  —  I  mean  my  body  is  dying :  my 
spirit,  my  soul,  cannot  die.  I  wish  to  tell  you  what 
peace  and  comfort  Jesus,  the  dear  Redeemer,  can 
give,  when  all  earthly  things  are  passing  away.  He 
is  very  precious  to  me.  I  feel  as  if  his  dear  arm 
was  around  me,  and  my  head  resting  on  his  bosom. 
The  Bible  is  full  of  his  sweet  promises  of  love.  I  am 
going  to  be  with  Christ:  he  has  promised  that  I 
shall  be  with  him.  Do  you  not  desire  to  have  such 
a  friend,  such  a  dear  Saviour  to  bless  you,  when 
your  head  shall  be  placed  on  a  dying  pillow? 
"Would  you  dare  to  die  without  resting  on  Christ? 
Ah,  no!  Let  me  tell  you,  my  young  sisters,  the 
hour  of  sickness  is  not  the  time  to  prepare  to  die. 
And  how  sad  and  painful  it  would  be  to  give  your 
heart  to  Christ  only  at  the  moment  when  really  it 
is  not  in  your  power  to  give  it  to  the  world !  A 
poor  offering  it  would  be.  You  are  now  in  the 
bloom  of  health  and  youth  :  oh  !  come  now,  each  of 
you,   and  resolve,  'As  for  me,  I  will  serve    God, 


126  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

and  come  to  him,  through  the  Saviour ;  I  will  give 
him  now  all  I  have  to  give,  —  which  is  a  poor,  sin- 
ful, erring  heart,  —  and  ask  him  to  cleanse  it,  and 
fill  it  with  his  Holy  Spirit.  I  will  come  because 
Christ  bids  me  come.'  He  invites  you  indeed.  And, 
to  express  my  love  to  him,  I  would  say,  —  the  last 
opportunity  I  have  to  speak  to  the  young,  — '  Think 
of  it  as  coming  from  a  dying  voice :  oh,  now 
come  !  *  "  Yours  affectionately, 

"  M.  E.  c: 

"Dear  Ones  of  the  Hancock  Sunday  School. 

"  I  wish  with  this  pencil  (for  I  do  not  feel  able  to 
use  a  pen  with  any  comfort)  to  say  to  you,  one  and 
all,  Good'hy  !  I  am  going  to  be  with  Jesus ;  to  be 
carried  by  him  to  those  heavenly  mansions  which  he 
promised,  in  that  comforting  fourteenth  chapter  of 
John,  to  all  who  will  believe.  I  wish  to  express  to 
you  the  peace  and  comfort,  the  calm  quiet,  I  feel  in 
placing  my  head  upon  his  sacred  breast. 

"I  have  not  one  fear  or  doubt:  all  is  bright. 
Rejoice  with  me  ;  for  you  cannot  realize  how  utterly 
unworthy  I  feel  to  take  even  the  crums  that  fall 
from  my  Master's  table  :  and  yet,  through  faith  and 
trust,  I  know  that  I,  even  I,  shall  sit  at  the  marriage- 
supper  of  the  Lamb  in  his  heavenly  kingdom. 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  127 

^^ Sisters  and  Brothers,  Fellow-  Teachers,  —  Draw 
all  your  affections  closer  and  closer  to  Christ ;  feed 
upon  him ;  and  the  circles  around  you  each  sabbath 
must  be  drawn  to  him,  and  love  him  too.  Oh,  pray 
much  for  them  and  with  them  !  I  consider  your 
labors  are  like  the  faithful  pastor's,  always  watching 
to  lead  these  dear  ones  out  of  self  and  worldliness  to 
the  Shepherd  of  souls.  Be  not  discouraged  if  they 
do  not  turn  when  you  would  have  them.  Sow  the 
seed  in  faith  :  it  will  spring  up. 

"  Members  of  the  Bible-classes,  and  dear  children 
of  the  school  I  love,  good-by !  God  bless  you,  and 
incline  you  early  to  seek  him  !  You  are  sinful  if 
you  consent  to  turn  from  Him  who  says,  '  They  who 
seek  me  early  shall  find  me.'  Ah  !  some,  yes,  many 
of  you  have  found  Jesus :  will  you  not  all  come  to 
him?  He  is  inviting  you  now  through  me.  Will 
you  not  commence  a  new  life,  and  consecrate  your- 
selves to  Je^us,  your  best  friend,  who  loves  you  so 
much  that  he  is  standing  at  the  door  of  even  the 
youngest  heart  to  see  if  you  will  let  him  in  ?  I  feel 
that  I  am  dying,  my  dear  children.  This  is  the  last 
thing  I  can  do  for  Christ,  —  to  say,  with  all  my 
powers.  Gome,  come  1  The  more  sinful  and  unwor- 
thy you  feel  yourselves,  the  stronger  is  the  reason 
that  you  should  come.     And  you  who  have  in  humi- 


128  PORTRAIT  OF   A 

lity  knelt  at  his  feet,  draw  closer,  closer  to  him ; 
and  bring  —  for  it  is  in  your  power  —  some  one  else 
to  him. 

"  I  cannot  speak  to  you,  my  own  dear  class,  before 
others.  You  know  all  that  is  in  my  mind,  and  my 
earnest  longings  concerning  you.  If  my  strength 
holds  out,  I  shall  write  you;  but  I  am  obliged  to 
rest  frequently  while  holding  the  pen  now.  * 

"  Thank  you,  teachers,  for  your  attentions  to  me 
during  my  illness ;  for  all  those  beautiful  bouquets 
you  showered  upon  me ;  for  the  delightful  hymns, 
speaking  of  Jesus,  you  sent  me ;  for  your  words  of 
kindness,  and  your  Christian  deeds  of  love ;  but 
most  for  your  prayers  with  and  for  me.  Farewell  for 
a  little  while ! 

"  Most  affectionately, 

"Maria  E.  Clapp." 

"  My  dear  Sister  L.,  —  Little  did  we  think 
we  should  see  each  other  no  more  on  earth !  But 
do  not  feel  too  much  gi'ieved.  I  am  very  happy, 
and  have  no  fear ;  for  I  am  going  only  into  another 
of  God's  rooms.  You  cannot  see  me  now  ;  yet  you 
heUeve  I  live.  Well,  I  shall  still  live,  all  free  from 
pain,  and  shall  be  so  near  to  Jesus,  who  makes  me 
willing  to  go.     I  want  you  to  rejoice,  after  your  first 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  129 

grief  is  over,  that  I  have  passed  through  the  strug- 
gle all  must  sooner  or  later  come  to.  I  have  had 
every  comfort  that  can  be  thought  of,  almost ;  and 
then  I  have  all  the  precious  promises  of  the  Bible, 
of  Jesus'  own  dear  words,  to  sustain  me ;  so  that  I 
have  only  to  lay  my  head  upon  the  bosom  of  Jesus, 
and  I  have  peace  and  rest." 

In  such  a  state  of  mind  as  I  have  endeavored 
briefly  to  describe,  and  as  her  own  words, 
bearing  the  stamp  of  simple  truth,  more 
clearly  reveal,  Miss  Clapp  continued  to  the 
end.  During  all  her  sickness,  her  faith  never 
wavered,  her  patience  never  drooped ;  her 
love  grew  warmer,  and  the  peace  of  God 
flowed  into  her  soul  with  an  ever-increasing 
tide.  We  saw  not,  in  her  case,  the  end  of 
earth,  but  the  beginning  of  heaven.  It  was 
not  a  decaying  body  which  we  noticed,  but  a 
rising  spirit;  not  the  painful  putting-off"  of 
this  mortal  clothing,  but  the  putting-on  of  the 
shining  robes  of  immortality. 

Of  many  holy  and  beautiful  things  which 
were  seen  and  heard  in  her  chamber  I  must 

9 


130  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

not  speak.  The  most  beautiful  expressions  of 
such  a  saintly  spirit  are  too  sacred  to  be  ex- 
posed, too  delicate  to  be  clothed  in  words.  I 
will  only  raise  the  curtain  so  far  and  so  long 
as  may  allow  a  few  sunset  rays  of  a  Christian 
life  to  stream  forth  to  illustrate  the  peaceful 
triumph  of  faith,  and  spread  the  glory  of  the 
Redeemer. 

On  one  occasion,  as  I  entered  her  chamber, 
she  said  to  me,  "  I  have  been  a  little  troubled 
since  you  were  here :  and  I  must  tell  you  all 
about  it ;  for  I  wish  you  to  know  every  thing 
that  passes  in  my  mind.  I  am  almost  afraid  I 
gave  my  Saviour  reason  to  be  displeased  with 
me  for  a  little  while.  You  will  tell  me  how  far 
I  was  wrong,  and  whether  I  have  done  all  I 
could.  Last  night,  while  my  kind  nurse  was 
applying  a  bath  of  herbs  to  relieve  the  sore- 
ness of  my  limbs,  I  realized  for  the  first  time 
how  emaciated  they  were.  For  a  moment 
I  was  overcome :  my  thoughts  were  drawn 
down  to  my  poor,  suffering  body,  and  I  began 
to  weep  in  pity  for  it.    But  I  instantly  thought, 


CHRISTIAN  LIFE.  131 

How  wrong  it  is  to  feel  so !  I  was  frightened 
to  find  such  weakness  still  in  my  heart.  I 
turned  to  my  Saviour,  and  said,  'Dear  Sa- 
viour, I  thought  I  had  given  thee  all;  but  I 
am  afraid  I  had  not.  I  gave  thee  my  soul; 
but  I  forgot  to  give  thee  my  poor  body,  I 
give  that  to  thee  now:  let  it  waste  away  or 
suffer ;  let  it  be  dealt  with  just  as  God  wills.' 
As  soon  as  I  had  said  this,  he  took  away 
the  weakness ;  and  I  think  of  the  body  no 
more." 

A  short  time  before  her  death,  she  placed  in 
the  hands  of  her  friend,  Mr.  F.,  a  sealed  pack- 
age, saying  that  he  would  know  what  to  do 
with  it.  It  was  found  to  contain  six  or  seven 
envelopes,  enclosing  each  a  small  sum  of 
money,  directed  to  as  many  different  chari- 
table societies,  to  be  given  to  them  after  her 
decease,  without  mention  of  the  name  of 
the  donor.  After  it  had  been  given  to  him, 
she  sent  for  him  again,  and  handed  him  a 
single  envelope,  with  a  remark  like  this, — 
"  There  is  still  another  charity  which  I  would 


132  PORTRAIT   OF   A 

not  forget ;  for  a  Christian's  thoughts  spread 
widely  over  the  world  as  he  is  leaving  it,  and 
his  love  would  embrace  all."  It  was  addressed 
"  To  Foreign  Missions." 

On  the  sabbath  morning,  the  9th  of  Au- 
gust, being  extremely  weak,  and  in  much 
pain,  she  supposed  that  her  hour  had  come. 
She  called  her  father  and  mother  to  her  bed- 
side, and  with  thanks  to  them  for  their 
kindness,  and  the  invocation  of  a  blessing 
upon  them,  gave  them  brief  messages  for  all 
the  members  of  the  family.  The  words  she 
spoke  were  written  down  immediately  after. 
They  were,  in  part,  as  follows:  — 

"Mother,  what  a  beautiful  thing  it  would  be  to 
die  on  this  resurrection  sabbath  morning!  —  to  lie 
down  low  at  the  feet  of  Jesus !  When  shall  I  drink 
of  the  *  living  waters '  ?  Dear  Jesus,  I  am  ready,  if 
thou  wilt  call  me  home. 

"  Tell that  my  faith  in  my  living  Redeemer 

was  strong  to  the  last. 

"Tell  to  come  to  Christ:   I  will  intercede 

for  him  at  the  throne. 


CHRISTIAN   LIFE,  133 

"  Give  my  love  to  dear  ,  and  tell  her  to 

keep  ever  at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  and  bring  up  her 
children  in  his  love. 

"  Tell that  Jesus  calls  him,  and  asks  him  to 

bring  up  his  little  ones  in  his  nurture. 

"  Tell to  cling  to  the  cross  of  Christ. 

"  Bid  all  good-by  for  me.  I  am  happy.  God 
bless  you  all !  " 

The  sabbath  passed  by,  repeating  its  prime- 
val promise  to  the  children  of  God ;  but  her 
soul  was  not  yet  permitted  to  "  enter  into  that 
rest."  She  lingered,  languishing  and  suf- 
fering, but  still  at  peace  through  faith,  till 
the  following  Thursday,  Aug.  13,  when  the 
blessed  hour  of  release  came.  Again  she 
breathed  her  adieus,  but  faintly  and  still  more 
faintly.  Her  father's  ear,  drawn  by  a  sign 
close  to  her  lips,  heard  this  whisper,  as  from  a 
retreating  voice  already  far  distant,  "  My  last 
request :  Engrave  on  my  tombstone,  '  Asleep 
IN  Jesus.'  "  They  were  her  last  words.  A 
smile    of    more   than  mortal  beauty   spread 


134         PORTRAIT  OP  A   CHRISTIAN  LIFE. 

over  her  face  as  she  uttered  them.  The 
smile  remained ;  but  the  spirit,  whose  love 
and  peace  it  expressed,  had  gone  home  to 
God. 


TN  the  Cemetery  at  Mount  Auburn,  on  Walnut 
Avenue,  at  the  junction  of  Orange  and  Trefoil 
Paths,  may  be  seen  a  drapery  tablet,  which  bears 
the  following  inscription  :  — 

DEPAETED     THIS     LIFE,    ATJQXTST     13,     1857; 
Aged  36. 

"asleep       in       JESUS." 


so  2-/ 

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